


With Heart And Hands

by wandaseverlark



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Artificial Insemination, F/M, Pregnant Katniss Everdeen, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:42:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27046672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandaseverlark/pseuds/wandaseverlark
Summary: Desperate to have a baby and not wanting a random stranger, Katniss Everdeen turns to her best friend for help in the hopes he will be the one to make her dream of being a mother come true.
Relationships: Annie Cresta/Finnick Odair, Delly Cartwright/Rye Mellark, Gale Hawthorne/Johanna Mason, Haymitch Abernathy/Effie Trinket, Katniss Everdeen & Peeta Mellark, Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Comments: 31
Kudos: 149
Collections: Crumbs





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Good morning or good evening to all you ladies / gentleman! I hope you're all having a good day, or you will have a good day. This is I sliding in yet another chaptered fic as I got the idea that won't go away, so here it is. If you recognise where I got the title from, you are my new favourite person.
> 
> Disclaimer (do people still do these?): I own nothing except my ideas. Literally nothing.
> 
> With Heart And Hands

Katniss Everdeen paces as she thinks, her thumbs twiddling together nervously as she considers what an idiot of herself she's about to make.

She can still turn back and act like nothing had ever happened, she can still pretend to be the same way she was a few weeks ago, before she made the stupid decision to involve him.

Except, rationally, she knows she would never be able to do this without him.

 _It's stupid_ , she thinks, _I've known Peeta since I was a child. He'll understand._

Peeta is the most approachable man she knows, she has no cause to be nervous. He always understands her, even when she messes up terribly. Since they were children and they had met in school on their first day, he's always been the person she can turn to, for anything and everything. He's always had her back, and she's always had his. They do things together.

She just isn't sure he would want to do _this_ together.

When they met, they were five and he had complimented her singing in after music assembly. He had shared his cookie with her, and she punched a bully who said he looked as though he ate one too many cakes, and the rest is history, as they say.

They grew up together, with her getting her first period and his voice breaking practically at the same time, and they've never had more than small disagreements. She's stubborn and argumentative, but he's calm and rational, balancing her out.

He's been there with her through the worst time in her life, through boyfriends who weren't so nice and the tragedies that have shaped her, and she's been there for him through his admitting his mother beat him to the recovery that followed, all the way through the physical therapies after he lost his leg when he was in a car accident and beyond.

Growing up, he had always dreamed of taking over the family bakery and building a family, and he had succeeded and then some with the first task. Since he turned twenty, his father had signed over the bakery to him, and Peeta had taken it from a small town business to a global one. It has been and continues to be the number one bakery in Panem, and she's so proud of him that she feels like she could burst with every award he wins.

She's worked for him for the past few years, always declining his kind offers when she was in trouble, however she had finally hit rock bottom and agreed to be his assistant- wanting to work her way up fairly instead of being handed jobs- on a rainy day four years ago.

Before she worked for him, he rarely took breaks and buried himself in his office, crammed with paperwork and trying to please everyone, but she has waltzed in the door on her first day and forced him to have lunch with her. Katniss has never been a social butterfly herself, her past scarring her and putting mile high walls around her so she couldn't get close to people, and she vowed he would never become like that.

He had been offering her a job for years, claiming that she was one of the reasons he was successful in the first place and she deserved recognition for it, but she had declined, trying to do things on her own and make something of herself.

It wasn't until all her attempts failed and she ended up in a motel because she lost her apartment, too scared to go home to her parents and too embarrassed to tell anyone before that she needed help, did she accept a job. She was living on things she could sell to make her motel payments, and she had run out of money, meaning she was kicked out.

She had turned up at her best friends door in the pouring rain, completely soaked but glad as it hid her sobbing, with nothing but a half full bag in hand, asking if she could stay with him until she found somewhere else.

Of course, Peeta agreed, wrapping her in a million blankets and making her hot tea until she couldn't see straight.

He had been devastated that she felt so embarrassed she couldn't even tell him, not having seen him for months, as she knew he would figure out how badly she was struggling if he saw her. He swore it would never happen again, and that he would never let her suffer alone.

Peeta Mellark always keeps his word.

Originally, she started out as his office administrator, taking his calls and booking his meetings, but he had hated feeling as though he had some kind of power over her that forced her to do things for him he would never normally expect, so he had promoted her within a month to be his head of marketing.

It isn't on the same level as him, not since he was the CEO of the business, but it meant he had no real input on her work, and she was given the freedom to be as creative as she wanted, to be in charge of her own team and to feel like she was making it on her own, not relying on him for everything.

Her office is next door to his, neither of them ever able to stay separate for long, and she's constantly in his office to ask what he thinks of her latest ideas, much like he does with her.

Since she began four years ago, she's prided herself on being independent, strong and never needing help, too proud to accept it from others. Peeta is different, not just because he owns the business she's marketing, but because she rather enjoys hearing his input.

Peeta probably knows the most about her then anyone else, including her own family, him being the only man she can trust completely. She has other friends, mainly made through him, but he's the only person that she can truly say would have her back no matter what- because he already has.

She has constants in her life, something she didn't think she could have after her tumultuous teenage years, Finnick and Annie – two of his college friends who she ended up liking and spending time with. Besides her family, Peeta, Finnick, and Annie have been the only constants in her life, and only they know her darkest secrets she would never reveal to anyone else.

Mainly because they lived through it with her, and she's so thankful they did, as she's not sure where she would be without them.

When she was a sixteen, she had been made friends with a boy she knew from school who had convinced her she was something special, telling her she was beautiful and that she was worth something. She had believed him, ignoring everyone's warnings about him, and she had lost her virginity to him on Prom night- filling every cliché in the book.

It was all lies, something she learned a few weeks later when she had gone crying to him with a positive pregnancy test in hand, only to find him with another girl in his bed.

Since that day, she had never seen Cato Hadley again.

She had only told her family at first, earning the scorn of her mother and disappointed looks from her father. They had asked who the father was at least a million times, but she had always remained silent, not wanting them to know how stupid she had been and how she didn't listen to their warnings.

As the weeks went by and she had begun to show, her family had pressed her to tell Peeta, whom she had been avoiding like the plague. When he showed up at her door with flowers and a pint of ice cream, claiming her father called him to tell him she had been dumped, she had broken down in his arms and sobbed all night, revealing the truth.

Not that she ever had any doubts, Peeta had been supportive, helping her every step of the way, and he had been the person she relied on for everything, feeling like she could actually do it with his help. She had a feeling, at the time, that he was even excited at the prospect of being there for her and her child.

Which was why it hurt that much more when she called him from the hospital to tell him she had lost it.

She had been working part time as a waitress to help support her family, and she was on her last few weeks of working before maternity leave when she had fallen over at work, carrying more than she should have and not paying attention. She had been rushed to hospital, but it was too late, and she was told she was far enough along that she would have to give birth.

They asked her whether she wanted anyone with her, and the only person she had wanted by her side was Peeta, so she had called him, breaking his heart and asking for his help in the same call.

He came. Of course he came. There had never been any question as to whether he would help her or not.

That night, he had held her hand and told her it would be okay, never faltering in his comfort once despite the tears he had in his eyes. He had cut the cord and taken her child into his arms before anyone else could, laying her daughter on her chest so no one could take them apart.

It was pain like she had never felt before, and even to this day, the thought of her daughter breaks her inside.

Peeta never left her side, not in the hospital or even when going home, nor the weeks and months that followed. He slept on the floor beside her every night to appease her father, holding her hand and protecting her from the nightmares that plagued her mind. He helped her dress and bathe when she felt like the world was on top of her, and he attended every single therapy session, sitting in the waiting room patiently so he could drive her there and back.

She would have never survived it without him.

After, she had felt so adrift from the world, her family, herself, and she had tried to recover the broken pieces, going back to her job and going out, but nothing helped. She felt like a burden to him, though he swore otherwise, and she had tried to distance herself, but it had no effect.

He made her come back to him, making her happy when she thought she never would be again, and she had felt more human in his company than ever before. He introduced her to Finnick, who in turn began dating Annie, who was training to be a midwife at the time.

When he took over the bakery, she was there, standing by his side and sorting out the paperwork his father was never very good at doing. She helped him when she could, and she was smart with numbers, so she helped him figure things out until he could afford an accountant.

She was there on the day he went out for the night with Finnick when they were both twenty-two, waiting at home for him to text her that he was back safely just like he always did. Peeta wasn't much of a drinker, nor was Finnick, and she was concerned when two am had passed by and she still had no text.

With no hesitation, she had jumped into her car and driven to his house, only to find no one was home, and after a call to his father was made, she was speeding down the streets to get to the hospital.

They had gone out for a drink or two to celebrate Finnick passing some exam that he needed to in his training to be a General Practitioner, with Katniss and Annie both working and therefore unable to go. Peeta was driving, and she knows he will only drink one beer before moving to orange juice if he's the designated driver, whilst Finnick had been regaling some tale about school when a car had come out of no where, smashing into Peeta's side and sending them hurtling down a hill.

According to the Doctor's, they were lucky they hadn't been killed, and Finnick had escaped with no more than a few cuts and bruises. Peeta hadn't been so lucky, his leg having been trapped in the car, leading to an emergency amputation.

When he had woken up in the hospital without his leg and with no clue what he was going to do, she had been the one who dragged his head to her chest and let him sob for as long as he needed.

She stayed that night in hospital, and she stayed with him every night after, this time comforting his nightmares, and she nursed him back to health, taking tips from her mother, giving up her job so she could take care of him when no one else could.

The moment he was able to do things on his own again, she had gotten a job in a small newspaper that she hated but was good at, living in a tiny apartment she could barely afford but wouldn't tell anyone about, whilst he went back to his life, always together but not in each others back pockets.

It was hellish.

Then, she had lost her job, lost her apartment, and ended up in that motel.

Since, however, she had worked for him, they had gone back to how they always had been, completely and totally wrapped in each others company, always over the others home, going to dinner, going out with Finnick and Annie or babysitting their son together.

Finnick keeps telling them that they're dating, and always have been, but neither will hear it.

 _Stop being such a wimp. Just knock on his door and speak to him. It's Peeta._ She reasons, her thumbs pressing against each other.

What leads her to her current dilemma is the way she's been feeling in the last year.

Just under three months ago, she had turned thirty, a milestone that she had been dreading for months before for one simple and clear-cut reason. She was thirty and she had no one to share her life with, and the one thing she did want, she had convinced herself she didn't. She was lonely.

And so, a few months before her birthday, she had been pondering the idea of having a child, but had always thought it stupid, not believing she could do it on her own.

She had been taking care of Finnick and Annie's son one day after her birthday, when she had the strongest feeling of longing she had ever felt, and she had made the decision that she was going to have a child, convincing herself that woman could be single mothers and still have lives, something she still believes.

Since, she's spent hours going through the books that the clinics gave her, looking for the candidate to be the donor she would need to have a child, but it had all seemed so wrong and so clinical, which is what leads her to where she is now.

"Katniss," She hears from behind her, yelping, as she hadn't realised his office door had opened. "I can see you pacing out my window, what's wrong?"

Failing words, she just smiles for a moment until she can find her voice, and when she does, it's tiny and unsure. "Can I come in?"

"You know you can just walk in," He furrows his brow, but shrugs it off. "You always do. Yeah, come on in."

"Thanks." She walks past him into his office, sitting on the chair opposite his on his desk and facing the large windows that look out onto town, trying to avoid his eyes. "Close the door if you've got a minute? I need to talk to you."

He nods, doing as she asks, and when he comes over, he presses a button on his phone, speaking to his receptionist just outside- whom Katniss now realises would have seen her panicked pacing. "Hey, Madge, can you hold all of my calls please? And no one in my office for a bit, I have an important family thing," He lies. "Thank you."

Her approval comes through the phone before he lets go of the button.

 _You're financially stable_ , she reminds herself through her nerves. _You have a nice apartment in a safe street, in a safe building with good neighbours who are friendly._

"Katniss?" He tries to get her attention, but she's still in her own mind.

 _You have wonderful friends, a fantastic boss who is your best friend and he will understand that you really,_ _ **really**_ _, want a baby._ She convinces herself, her hands smoothing down her jeans as she finally focuses again. "Peeta, sorry for barging in and freaking you out."

He moves to sit down on the chair beside her, his suit fitting him far too perfectly, and she can't help but reach out to brush a crumb from his grey suit covered knee from whatever he had for breakfast. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

"Why do you assume something is wrong?" She asks indignantly.

"You look nervous," He tells her. "You have on odd earrings, your hair is up in a ponytail instead of in its usual braid because your hands are shaking," He reaches out to take one of her hands so it doesn't shake any more. "And you couldn't do a braid, and your nails are all chipped, what's wrong?"

She curses how well he knows her. "Nothing is wrong, per say." She promises, her hand squeezing his. "I just really needed to speak to you about something important, life changing even."

"Life changing?" He raises an eyebrow. "You don't say that lightly, what's going on?"

Deciding to bite the bullet, never having been one to beat around the bush or be delicate, she blurts out, "I want a baby."

His hand drops hers like it burns, purely out of shock if the look on his face is accurate, and she knows it is because Peeta's emotions are always splayed across his face. "What?"

Katniss frowns, her hands moving back to her lap. "I want a baby." She repeats, just on the off chance he truly didn't hear her or the shock of hearing it has made him forget what she said or in case he zoned out. "I know it sounds crazy-"

"No," He cuts her off, his voice soft and not at all carrying any judgement, not that she expected he would. "Not crazy, I wouldn't say. But unexpected." He explains, his eyes still wide. "I just...don't understand where this has come from."

"I've been thinking about it for a while." She admits. "Before I turned thirty, I kept feeling this longing whenever we babysat for Finnick and Annie, and I tried to pretend it was just because I was a bit lonely and I wanted you to keep me company or someone to keep me company. But, as time went on, I've realised the truth."

"And that's...a baby?"

"I know it sounds like I'm doing this on a whim and like I haven't thought it through," She sighs, trying her best to explain it, but she feels like she's failing. "But I have, I've been thinking about it for almost a year and a few months ago, I decided I wanted to go for it."

He nods, playing with his hands as he listens to her. "Why are you telling me this now?" He asks, and her confused expression makes him continue. "I know we're best friends, but usually, a woman tells her...partner or something of that nature. I know you aren't married or anything-"

"You're my best friend in the whole world." She tells him simply, like it's obvious why she would be telling him. "You were there when what happened with Willow happened," She says, referencing to the daughter she lost, the ache in her chest enormous for it. "I wanted to tell you before anyone else. You deserve to know before anyone else."

Peeta reaches out, taking her hand from her lap like a silent support, and she appreciates the quiet reassurance more than a thousand words.

"I want this." She states firmly, her voice leaving no room for uncertainty. "I-I want this so badly that it _hurts_ ," Her voice cracks, making him squeeze her hand. "When we babysit, my heart is so full, and I see mothers with their children and I just think 'I could have that'. I'm getting older, I'm running out of time-"

"You're thirty-"

"And I'm me." She reminds him. "I don't want a relationship, that's not what this is about. Every other woman gets a chance at motherhood, and I lost my chance. I just want it again, I want to be a mother and I finally feel ready for it." She whispers. "I see you with your nephews and I just-I want this, Peeta."

He stares at her for a moment like he's trying to figure her out, but he remains silent, and she can hear the gears turning in his big brain as he thinks on her words, listens to her voice. She knows he's beginning to understand just by the look in his eyes.

"But I can't do this without you," She admits, her eyes watery. "I need your advice, your support, please support me on this-"

His hand squeezes hers so hard that it hurts for a split second. "Hey," He frowns. "Of course I support you. One hundred percent." He swears. "You know I always will unless I think an idea will end badly or hurt you. And this isn't one of those ideas. I understand. "

She smiles softly, holding back her tears of relief over knowing he'll support her, but she knows the hard part is nowhere near over.

"My only real question is...how do you intend to do it?" He asks, quirking an eyebrow.

"You do know how babies are made, right?" She tries to joke, making him glare playfully. "When a man and a woman-"

"Yes, thank you, I know." He cuts her off with a roll of his eyes. "I more meant that I know you. I know you wouldn't want to just...find someone and do it." He wrinkles his nose. "So how? And how can I help?"

She swallows her fear, debating her options, before she whispers, barely audible in the large office but she knows he can hear her, "A sperm donor." She brushes her thumb over his knuckle, giving herself the courage to carry on with their conversation.

"How can I help?" He asks, not mentioning another word or even trying to talk her out of it. He knows that once she's made up her mind, that's it, and she's considered all she needs to consider. "Do you need me to help you research a clinic? Do you need money or contacts? Do you want me to go with you, be there during or after or wherever you allow me to be?"

She smiles, laying her free hand over the one of his that's holding hers. "No, no, that's not it."

"Then what do you need? If I can help, I will, no questions asked."

"I think some questions should be asked," She tries to joke, her eyes trailing over his face, watery from the frightened tears she's trying to hold in, terrified of his reaction. "I want...I need...well, I need you." She whispers.

"Of course, I'll be there." He promises.

"No," She stops him before he can rant about always being there for her. "I have been debating this in my head for so long. I have spoken to doctors and nurses and so many women who have done it to get a clear picture of what I'm getting myself into-"

"Quite rightly so."

"-Some of those women, not all, said that the only regret they ever had was not knowing," She whispers. "Because they didn't know how to explain it all later to the child, when it's older."

"I'm sort of following," He says, his tone confused, but his hand doesn't let go of hers. "I don't understand where you're headed with this train of thought."

"Peeta," She glances up, her eyes finding his, and she says it like ripping off a Band-Aid, "I want you to be the father."

Katniss Everdeen has never been known for her tact.

His face morphs from confusion into something she can't place, an emotion she's never seen on him before, and she can't decide whether it's good or bad, so she just continues.

"Before you say anything, hear me out?" He gives a small nod to for her to continue, and she can't help but smile internally at the fact he always lets her explain herself, knowing she's bad at words and will need to figure it out in her head before saying it out loud. "We've been best friends since kindergarten."

He stares at her, clearly hoping for more than that.

So she continues, not sure how to phrase her words, but she decides to just blurt out the thoughts she's had for months. "We've been friends for years, we know each other so well that you have a period app on your phone," She explains. "I practically live at your place as I'm there every night, so there are no real secrets between us. Neither of us are dating anyone and haven't been for the better part of a year so there's no girlfriend or boyfriend to factor into the equation-"

She takes a breath, not seeing any emotion on his face, and it disturbs her, so she carries on. "

"I trust you," She whispers. "We know each others medical history, our child would want for nothing. We're both financially stable and have good jobs, and we have clean, safe homes, and we both have family support." She explains. "And, I know this shouldn't factor into it but it does, our child would be beautiful because, I mean, have you looked in the mirror?" She tries to joke.

He smiles, and she counts it as a win.

"And I know you want a family, and that you're worried by the time you find someone it'll be too late and you can't have a family. Well, not for you because men have loads of time, but the being able to enjoy being a dad part where you can run around." She thinks, trying to close off her rambling with something she knows is true. "I know you want to be a father just as much as I want to be a mother, and this way we get that. Together."

There is a long, drawn out, uneasy, silence that follows, but his hand doesn't leave hers in the silence, and she thinks he's in shock, so she just remains silent to allow him breathing space to think.

Then, "C-Can I..." He pauses, bringing her hand up to his lips to press a soft kiss to her knuckles like he's trying to soften a blow, and she's terrified he's going to burst right in front of her. "May I think about it, at least? Ten minutes ago, I was thinking about dinner and that nice beef joint I bought for Sunday roast, and now I'm thinking about...parenthood. I think I need to really-"

"I understand." She promises. "No pressure." Katniss swears, her hand squeezing his comfortingly.

"I really am going to think about it, that isn't bullshit-"

"I know," Katniss smiles. "I know. I'm sorry to load this on you and so out of the blue and at work, my timing is awful, but I was close to bursting."

He smiles back. "I understand." He says, and she knows he does. "I'll see you tonight still?"

"Of course," She swears. "Take as much time as you need. I'm not going to push you for an answer today, or even this week, and I hate how much this feels like pressuring you, but I knew that I would regret it if I didn't ask."

She stands then, holding his hand until she's too far and has to let go. "See you tonight."

He gives her a small wave goodbye, his face still a picture of shock, and for a split second, she wishes that she could just clamber into his lap and hug him until that look is gone, but she doesn't regret asking, knowing she would have regretted it more if she didn't.

 _Good decision_ , she thinks as she leaves the room and closes the door behind her. _Good decision._

If only that feeling of lead in her stomach would disappear, she would actually believe herself.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been two weeks.
> 
> Two weeks since she laid her heart on the line and asked her best friend the one question she truly never thought she would ask anyone, let alone him. She asked him to give her the one thing her heart desires, the only thing that she thinks could make her happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing this immediately after writing one as I have a lot of muse, so I hope you all enjoyed reading chapter one as much as I enjoyed writing it. Anyway, here is chapter two of an undecided amount.
> 
> Disclaimer (do people still do these?): I own nothing except my ideas. Literally nothing.
> 
> With Heart And Hands

It's been two weeks.

Two weeks since she laid her heart on the line and asked her best friend the one question she truly never thought she would ask anyone, let alone him. She asked him to give her the one thing her heart desires, the only thing that she thinks could make her happy.

She asked him to give her a baby, their baby. And she knows it might seem crazy to an outsider or even to someone who knows her well, but she's never been surer of a decision in her life.

And she's made a lot of bad decisions, so she knows the feeling when one is wrong.

In the grand scheme of things, two weeks isn't that long. She's just being hasty and nervous, and that isn't her style. She needs to learn to be more patient. Peeta is patient; he would probably have no trouble waiting if he was on the end that she is on.

She needs to know. Maybe she should just ask him about it outright, it might make things easier for them both.

 _No,_ she thinks _, I told Peeta to take as long as he needed and I'm sticking by that promise. He can have as long as he needs._

To no surprise, Peeta's attitude towards her and others hadn't changed or altered in any way. He still took her to lunch and made them dinner at his place every night, they still went to Sunday dinner at each other's family's home and out for drinks with their friends, and he was just as kind and playful as before.

It seems to her like he's acting as if nothing had changed, but every so often she can feel his eyes on her and she knows he's thinking about her question.

She hasn't said a word to Finnick or Annie, nor does she intend to, and she's praying he hasn't either as she's certain he knows how private she wants to keep this. She wants to keep it between them until he agrees or disagrees. She most definitely doesn't want her father to catch wind of it and put on his disapproving dad voice for 'putting pressure on a nice man'.

Her father has been an advocate for her to be with Peeta since the day she got pregnant with Willow, having thought originally that he was the father of her child, and he had been disappointed when she had denied it. Even during her pregnancy, her father had made small comments about how good a father Peeta would make.

She had ignored it at the time, but now she wishes that she'd of listened more.

Rowan Everdeen had a point. Peeta will be a wonderful father, if only he'll let her be the one to make him one.

Her only hope is that he agrees.

That morning, two weeks on the day since she asked him the monumental question, she got a glimmer of hope when he texted her to come over for dinner as usual, but that they needed to talk. She knew the moment she got the text that his decision had been made, and she had grabbed a bottle of wine to bring over just in case the result wasn't what she wanted.

Now, sat on his couch with a glass of wine in hand, watching an old black and white movie that he loves but she can't stand, though she watches it for him, she can feel the slight tension in the air.

 _He's your best friend_ , she thinks, closing her eyes and taking a breath to remain calm, _there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. Even if he says no, it'll be the nicest rejection you ever face, and he'll be so sweet, he's probably already baked cheese buns. You two have faced far worse than this._

"Katniss," His voice comes out quiet and uncertain, his eyes flicking from the television to her.

She stares ahead at the television, hoping that he thinks she's engrossed in the movie even though they both know she hates it, and he coughs once to grab her attention. Her eyes flick to him nervously, and she thinks for a terrifying moment that he's about to be blunt with it and just decline, letting her dream crash and burn right on his beautiful cream couch.

Grabbing the television remote, he turns the volume down. "Katniss?"

"Yeah?" She whispers, their eyes finding each others even as he takes her wine to place it on the coffee table – on a coaster, of course, he's not a savage. The TV flickers, carrying on despite being muted, the light flashing on her face in the darkened room, only lightened by the lamps near them.

"If we do this," He starts. "I want to be part of our child's life." Peeta states firmly, and her eyes spring to life with a hope they've never had before, taking into account what he's telling her. "I will be there for every moment, big and small, just like any decent father, and every moment in between like a _good_ father."

She nods quickly, never doubting that for a moment he wouldn't want to be involved.

"Promise me," He whispers. "I will be there for the appointments with the doctors and nurses, even if it's just to check your blood pressure or to talk about something, and I will be there for the inseminations, the check-ups, the pregnancy tests, the morning sickness and cravings and the scans. I will be there for the aches and pains and even those birthing classes that we both think are ridiculous but will go to just on the off chance that they're helpful. Promise me."

"I promise."

He nods, his hand reaching out for hers. "Then yes."

Without warning, she ignores his hand, throwing her body against his, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him so tightly it hurts. "Woah!" He exclaims, wrapping his arms around her waist to hold her close, his hands splaying across the space of her back.

For a long, long, time, she doesn't dare let go of him, pressing her face into his neck and whispering words of thanks and reassurance, trying her hardest to keep her happy tears from spilling.

When she finally does pull away, her hands remain on his shoulders, and she wishes she could take a photo of the joy on both their faces, his own eyes just as glassy as hers. "We're going to have a baby." She whispers, her voice full of wonder and hope.

"That sounds so strange, but yeah." He confirms, making her press her face into his chest so she can cry her happy tears.

"Thank you," She whispers against the fabric of his shirt. "Thank you, thank you." She cries, only lifting her head slightly so she can look at him properly. "Thank you so much-we-you are going to be the most wonderful father. You are going to be the most wonderful, amazing, perfect, father, okay?" She smiles, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

He chuckles. "And you'll be a wonderful," He takes her hands in his, pressing a kiss to each of her knuckles before he wraps his arm around her to pull her closer. "Perfect," He kisses her forehead, his hand brushing through her hair like he always does when she falls asleep in his arms, with them cuddling because it's comfy or too cold in the house. "Amazing, brilliant, fantastic mother." He kisses her hairline again with a smile so wide on his face that she thinks it might even hurt. If it does, he doesn't say.

Katniss grins at the kisses, pretending to try get away even though they both know there is no place she would rather be.

Then, he continues, sounding excited. "Tomorrow, we'll research the best doctors and talk timings and money and everything else-"

She shakes her head, her brows furrowing together. "I've got my savings," She assures him, not wanting him to think for a second that she only asked because he has money. "I may have even found a decent clinic to do it. I have the clinic I've been looking at but I don't know if I'll go for it, but you don't need to do any of that-"

"Yes, I do." He states, making it clear by the tone of his voice that he won't be argued with. "I'm all in," Peeta says, stroking her hair back a little so she can look up at him. "We're doing this together. That includes the money and picking a good clinic and the doctor and midwife. Together for all of it, okay?"

"Only if you're sure." She bites her bottom lip; though she knows he is otherwise he wouldn't have said it.

"I'm sure."

* * *

Over the next few weeks, they spend hours hunched over computers together, researching and taking note of every piece of information they can. They find clinic after clinic that they hate, always finding something wrong with it, and it isn't until they find a good one that they can both agree on that they even think about money.

The only upside to being in it together means sharing the cost, and she's embarrassed to admit she could never afford the kind of things he can. She had picked an affordable clinic that looked good, but she had never taken into account the fact that Peeta would care so much too.

And he does.

Peeta is probably pickier than her. He read over a hundred reviews on the clinic they eventually decided on before he even looked at the doctors there, and even then it took him nearly three days to put a choice of a couple he felt would actually care about them and not just the money in front of her.

She found it far easier, picking their doctor based on how creepy their eyes made her, and to her luck, she picked the same one that was his favourite, sealing the deal.

When they finally decided, they made an appointment with the doctor they chose, which has lead to her current predicament of being sat in a waiting room on her phone. "Just do it." She says, her tone bored as she looks up from her phone. "This is the fun bit for you."

He turns his eyes from the specimen cup in his hands to glare at her. "How is this fun?"

"It's a cup," She points at it as if he doesn't know what the item in his hand. "They have the magazines in there for you, all you need to do is have some fun and do what you need to do in a cup." She hides her smirk.

"I forgot how humiliating this whole baby making thing would be."

"Stop being dramatic," She rolls her eyes playfully. "All you need to do is go in a room, look at a filthy magazine and masturbate into a cup."

"But I don't want to look at some magazine, how many other men have looked at the same one and what is lurking on it?" He reminds her, both of them visibly shuddering at the thought.

"Then think of something and do it."

He wrinkles his nose. "Think of what, exactly?"

Katniss shrugs. "I don't know." She thinks to herself, before deciding on just asking the question on her mind. "What do you usually think of?"

His eyes widen slightly and he purses his lips, glancing away from her with a shrug as if he's nervous to tell her. "Normal things. Boobs, vaginas, whatever."

Eyeing him suspiciously, she lets it go. "Then think of that."

"But-"

"Oh my God," She groans, grabbing the cup and unscrewing the lid before passing the pieces back to him. "Will you please just go and have a wank?"

His eyes flick to her, completely shocked over how crass she's being. "Wow." He whispers, but stands and heads off in the direction he was told to go in by the nurse before.

Flicking through her phone, she waits patiently for him to come back, every so often glancing at the clock as the minutes drag on like hours, and she tries her hardest not to imagine the scene of him in a small room, imagining some faceless woman as he brings himself to completion.

She shakes the thoughts out of her head, not wanting her memory of the day her baby was made being the thought of it. _You know you wish you could do it for him_ , her treacherous brain supplies unhelpfully, making her roll her eyes and dismiss the thought as quickly as it came.

When he comes back, his face is fire-engine red, and he approaches a nurse to whisper something to her before heading back Katniss's way, and she tries her hardest but she can't help herself from glancing at the clock to see how long he took.

"Don't even think about it." He glares, knowing exactly what she's doing the moment her eyes flick to the clock. "I hope I never do that again in a doctors office."

She bites her bottom lip, knowing that there is a distinct possibility that he might. "If this first try doesn't work...you have to. Is it really that bad?" She asks, curious as to how he truly found it.

"It's awkward," He says, obviously trying to think of the right words. "The magazines are not helpful, I was too scared as to what was on them to flick through it, and the knowledge that people are waiting for you to finish is embarrassing."

Katniss rests a hand on his arm, stroking over the fabric of his long sleeved shirt. "Thank you," She whispers, her eyes softening when she takes into account what he's giving up to do this. She thought it would be easy, but she had never taken into account his pride or even his comfort zone, and she feels like the biggest bitch in the world for it. "Just think, you can make fun of me when I have to be inseminated."

"I'll be too focused on the thought of the doctor handling 'my specimen'," He uses air quotes. "To make fun of you."

She hums, squeezing his arm. "What do they even do to it?" She asks, wondering why she was asking him when he probably didn't know. "I know with the sperm donors, they wash it for any impurities or diseases or whatever, and they have to freeze it for a long time. But yours is...going somewhere today."

"I don't want to know." He admits. "It's happening today?"

"I read it usually happens on the same day." She tells him, having thought he would have known that or someone would have told him. "I've had my examinations, there are only a few final things I have to do before it happens. So I would have thought, yes, today is the first try."

"I-"

"Katniss Everdeen," Someone calls from across the room of the clinic, making them both stand. "If you would like to come through, it's just here."

She nods, taking hold of his hand as they follow the doctor, desperately trying to hide her nerves.

Once in the room, a woman passes her a gown with a gentle smile on her face. "If you'd like to get changed into this, you can keep your bra on but remove your underwear for obvious reasons. When you're done, just sit on the examination bed and the doctor will be here any second."

She nods, taking the gown and waiting until the nurses is gone. "Turn around, Mellark." She instructs, pleased when he does as she asks.

It doesn't take long for her to get changed, and she props herself on the edge of the bed, her legs dangling over the side whilst she watches him fold her clothes- he can never stand untidiness. "This is fun." She comments sarcastically, side eyeing him as he walks around the room.

He only does this when he's nervous, as he can never keep still and he has to be walking around or doing something. He picks up an item from by the side of the table, and he stares at it for a long moment, trying to guess what piece of equipment he had chosen to peruse.

"Peeta," She tries her hardest not to laugh, but she can't help her snicker. "That's used to hold open a ladies vagina in childbirth and assist the baby out-"

"Gah!" He quickly drops the item with a loud crash onto the table, wiping his hands on his trousers as if the item hadn't been washed in years despite the fact it's probably cleaner than his hands. "You couldn't have told me that before could you?"

She shakes her head and he can't help but laugh himself, sitting on the chair next to her bed just as the doctor walks in.

"Miss Everdeen?" Katniss nods to confirm it is her that the doctor is looking for. "Hi, I'm Doctor Trinket, but you can call me Effie, nice to meet you."

"Katniss," She greets, shaking the woman's hand before waiting for Peeta to do the same. "And this is Peeta, the father."

"How lovely." Effie comments, a gigantic smile on her face that shows off a set of perfectly aligned pearly white teeth. "You lucky thing." She sends her a wink, causing Katniss to duck her head down and pretend she isn't there, surprised at the woman's forwardness.

Effie places the files in her hands by the computer in the corner of the room before moving to the sink so she can wash her hands. "I think the best thing to do is get the awkward things done first so I think it's best to get the internal examination out of the way."

"Okay," She nods, her voice slightly shaky from her nerves. "Why do I always have to have them with every appointment?"

"Well, the previous ones you've had with nurses will have been to do the major checks like for STI's or for any abnormalities. Since we will be doing the insemination today, I do an additional check just in case anything has been missed, and the same your partner gave will be going through any last checks needed too."

She nods, understanding her reasoning, and she doesn't bother correcting her on the status of their relationship, knowing it was easier to just go along with it at this point.

"After, all I'm going to do is ask you some questions before we go ahead and do the insemination, it is just procedure so don't worry. You may have even had the nurses ask you these questions two million times before, but I ask them just so I know for certain."

Feeling Peeta taking her hand, she can't help but sending him a nervous smile, glad for his silent support and gentle encouragement once more, knowing he's by her side no matter what. It may be awkward, but he promised he would be there for everything, and that includes the examinations and the embarrassing appointments before she's even pregnant.

After the hard part is over and she's sat in an uncomfortable hospital chair with Peeta beside her, still in her hospital gown as she knows she'll just have to change back into it if she didn't leave it on, the doctor asks her some mildly embarrassing questions for Peeta to hear, but he doesn't seem to mind, and it's not like he doesn't know the answer already, being her best friend and knowing the answers better than herself.

Then, the real kicker comes, and although she's answered the question ten times in front of nurses, she's never made it without crying, and she's never answered it in front of him.

"Miss Everdeen," Effie glances over to her from her computer. "Do you have a history of any past pregnancies, miscarriages, stillborn or live births?" At her slow nod, Effie gestures for her to continue. "Can you elaborate?"

Glancing down to her lap, Katniss watches her hands play with each other, trying to think how best to explain her situation. "When I was sixteen, I got pregnant." She swallows roughly. "I was about seven months along w-when I...when I lost her."

Peeta reaches across, taking her hand in his, and she leans closer to him by such a minimal amount it would be unnoticeable to an outsider, but she knows he sees it and is doing his best to comfort her in any way he can.

"There was an incident." She supplies before Effie can ask. "That's why I've waited nearly fifteen years to do this, and why I've spoken to so many doctors and nurses and why Peeta is here and why I want this so badly." She whispers, knowing the doctor didn't ask, but she says it anyway. "I might sound crazy or whatever is it you think I might be, but this is all I want, and I'm going to be so much more careful than I was before. I promise."

Effie stares at her for a moment, clearly unsure of what to say first, and she settles on leaning forward in her chair with a sympathetic expression on her face, not hiding her sorrow over what happened very well. "I'm very sorry to ask, but, the incident, what was it? If you don't mind sharing, I only ask so I have a clear picture."

I slipped." Katniss tells her simply, wiping at her eyes. "I was working as a waitress in a diner, trying to make some money because I wanted to help my family, and I wouldn't accept anyone's help even though people like Peeta," She glances his way briefly. "Were trying to make it easier on me and help me." She closes her eyes, thinking how stupid she was, and how she would do anything to go back and change what happened. "I went to work and I was carrying too much and I slipped on something, maybe water, I don't know, and I hit my stomach when I fell."

Effie nods as she speaks, writing everything down in her notes discreetly as Peeta reaches round to wrap an arm around Katniss to comfort her. "I'm sorry to bring up that pain. It must have been hard." She says, her tone sounding as though she might actually mean it. "The good news, at least, is that it's not because of any complication with you being pregnant, which means you are probably able to get pregnant again and carry a child to term."

From beside her, Peeta reaches into his pocket so he can pass her a handkerchief that he's owned since he was sixteen, never having parted with it as when his father handed it to him, he told him that ' _all men should have a good handkerchief on them at all times'._ It seems his father is never wrong.

"It looks as though this time you have someone there who I can tell won't be accepting you putting too much pressure on yourself," Effie smiles, her eyes flicking from Peeta and then back to Katniss. "I think he'll be taking very good care of you."

Katniss nods quickly, knowing Effie is right, as she wipes her eyes with the handkerchief. "Yeah, he's pretty great." She admits, not usually one to compliment him so willingly as they are more the type to joke the opposite. "I wouldn't be surprised if I was being wheeled around in a chair before I'm even showing."

Unable to help it, Peeta chuckles quietly, pressing a kiss to her hairline. "Maybe a couple of weeks after."

Effie smiles at the pair of them with something in her eyes Katniss doesn't recognise before moving on, obviously not wanting to upset her any more then before if how swiftly she changes the subject is anything go by. "What's your current method of contraception?"

With a small laugh, Katniss answers honestly. "Not having sex in a year."

She doesn't glance back at Peeta, not even when she can feel his body sag in what feels like...relief almost. She knows he knows her well, but even they don't often discuss something like sex or how long it had been. He says she's pure for it, but perfect for him, but he never pressures her to say more than she wants.

It seems he's relieved to know it had been so long, and that asks more questions than it answers.

After a few more interesting, yet deeply uncomfortable questions that she's answered a hundred times before but answers again just for clarity, Effie finally moves onto Peeta.

He sits up a little straighter, having looked it up online so he was prepared for whatever the doctor asked him, and Katniss can't help but smile to herself over how nervous he is to be asked questions by a tiny being such as Effie. "Mr. Mellark, have you fathered any other children before?" He shakes his head quickly. "Have you ever had any infections, surgeries or hernias?"

"Only for my leg." He lifts up his pant leg to reveal the prosthetic he wears, blushing softly at the doctor's surprised face, obviously not having expected it. "I got into a car accident years ago, lost my leg." He shrugs, having made his peace with it by this point, and it's a testament to how far he's come since the day he found out that he can be so calm telling someone about it.

She knows he hates it. She knows it's something that has taken him nearly ten years to make his peace with, and she knows he's always seen himself as less of a man for it, but she can honestly say that it's never bothered her. Most of the time, she forgets, and she doesn't understand how someone couldn't or why it's such a big deal.

The first couple of women he had dated after he lost it had been cruel about it, and she knows it has put him off because of that despite her insistence that not all women would be that way.

She still hasn't found out the names of the women who insulted him, and she knows she would kill them with her bare hands if she ever saw them.

"How are your lifestyle habits, meaning how much exercise do you you're your levels of stress, caffeine, alcohol intake, do you smoke? How often if you do?" She asks him, her tone clinical but not unkind, and she doesn't seem at all concerned about any of the things she's asked him, almost like she knows his answers before he even says them.

"I go the gym a few times a week, I work a lot in a bakery so I do quite a lot of heavy lifting-"

"He can lift hundred pound bags of flour right over his head. I've seen it." She interjects, making Peeta roll his eyes at her attempts to make him seem like some kind of action hero.

"It's flour-"

"Impressive though." She tells him, her tone leaving no room for argument. "That's not nothing."

"Other then my flour carrying skills," He continues with a chuckle. "Katniss and I do loads of those classes where you learn new skills together, the latest one being boxing, which I was not great at."

"Boxing has never been my forte, either, dear." Effie reassures him.

He chuckles, scratching behind his ear. "As for stress, I own Mellark's Bakery, but it's a family business, and all of our clients and suppliers or whoever else are all very friendly, so it's hardly as stressful as it could be." He admits. "I drink a cup of tea every morning; sometimes coffee but not often and we both have a drink with our friends at the bar or in a restaurant at least once a month, but it's usually only a beer or two since Katniss is usually there and I would prefer not to be hammered around her."

She rolls her eyes, her hand squeezing his arm. "He usually has to drive, is what he's not saying."

Effie laugh quietly to herself at this, nodding along with his words and writing down what she needs to, clearly impressed by the life that they've managed to build together without being together, and everything they do seemed to be in each others company.

"As for smoking, I only have a cigar with my brothers at New Year, as we always have."

"Well," She smiles, her voice pleasant as she takes into account everything they've told her. "That all sounds wonderful. My last question is just to check if you are on any medications, over the counter or otherwise?"

"Only over the counter pain medication if it's needed," He answers honestly. "Which isn't often as Katniss is quite the healer-"

"My mother is a nurse, she tells me things."

"-She has far too many remedies to try before I would turn to any sort of medication." He jokes, making her roll her eyes at his praising her for something she isn't necessarily good at.

Once she's finished writing, Effie glances back up at them, pretending to ignore the sheer amount of times he's mentioned being better for her or doing things to make her happy, sounding much more like a husband than a friend. She doesn't comment on it.

"Thank you for answering all of those, both of you." She smiles. "I guess what comes next is the big bit."

"Which is?" Katniss asks, raising an eyebrow.

"It's time for your first attempt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two is completed. I told myself I wouldn't be writing long chapters anymore, but apparently I was wrong again. I thought I could make these shorter, but I've fallen in love with writing it so...there's that.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta is a fountain of hope, constantly giving her comfort and encouragement, and he's always the first to say how it'll take time and they just have to keep faith that it'll work. He's more patient than she is, and she knew that, but sometimes it irritates her when all she wants to do is be pessimistic.
> 
> She's always thought that when you're a pessimist, you're never disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing this chapter seconds after writing chapter two, which I think says something about my muse for this fic. It's lovely having inspiration, and I refuse to waste it!
> 
> Disclaimer (do people still do these?): I own nothing except my ideas. Literally nothing.
> 
> With Heart And Hands

Katniss places her mug down at her desk with a sigh, her eyes staring at her phone at the recent photo of baby Nick that Annie had just sent her. The little boy is only a year old and is always smiling. In the photo he has a giant grin on his face as Finnick kisses his cheek, and Katniss can't help but feel happy for them.

Also slightly envious, but only one tiny percentage of her is jealous. That's hardly anything. She loves her little pseudo nephew slash godchild and loves all of the photo's Annie sends her, but she's jealous. Maybe, she's two percent jealous. Three maybe, but that's not a lot. Three percent of her being jealous is hardly-

It's more like twenty percent, if she's being totally honest.

She puts her phone down on her desk, knowing she has to bite the bullet and speak to the man she's been desperately trying to avoid all morning, not knowing how to tell him her news.

Luckily, or unluckily, for her, he passes by her office and gives her a wave through the window just like he always does, being a stark reminder that she can't put it off any longer.

Rising up from her chair, she steels herself before making her way into his office, not bothering to knock as she walks in and closes the door behind her. "Are you busy?" She asks quietly, her tone glum, and he shakes his head, turning his chair away from his computer to give her his full attention.

"Free as a Mockingjay." He jokes, before seeing the look on her face and frowning. "What's wrong?"

"I got my period." She informs him simply, standing in front of him. "I just thought that I should tell you."

He sighs, mostly to himself but it's audible enough that she hears it, standing and immediately wrapping his arms around her with one hand going to her hair to brush it back carefully whilst the other rests on the small of her back. "I'm so sorry, Katniss." He whispers into her hair, all other words failing him.

She sniffles pathetically, her hands gripping at his dress shirt. "I'm sorry too."

They've had two insemination tries so far, both unsuccessful.

That's two months of no news and no positives, nothing that even hinted they were having a baby, and she was miserable. It feels like failure, something she's never been very good at handling, and she hates the look he gets in his eyes every time she tells him she got her period.

He looks like she just told him the world was ending, and it feels that way to her.

 _Or maybe,_ she muses in her head _, it just feels like what it is. Gut wrenching disappointment and heartbreak._

She's scared too, an emotion she truly despises. She's concerned and terrified that their next try, the third and final for this round in total, will fail again. Three tries and no results meant more tests and more awkward questioning and more months of waiting.

Effie always gives them a sympathetic smile when they see her, and as much as Katniss thinks their doctor is kind, she can't stand the pity.

They don't want to do it all again. They don't want to sit in patient waiting rooms with other people who are just as desperate as they are. They don't want the pity looks and smiles and concerned brow furrowing. Two tries may seem like nothing, but it's two tries of a procedure that costs them nearly five thousand dollars each time.

Peeta tells her that money means nothing, and she knows he could afford for them to try hundreds of times and it wouldn't even make a dent on his fortune, but she hates the feeling that he's spending money on her just to fail on the one job she has.

He insists that they're paying for it together, a mix of her savings that she has along with his half, but she's noticed her bank account seems to be barely touched whilst his loses thousands every time.

She hates it, but she knows he's only doing it to protect her. He doesn't want her to go bankrupt and be told she can't have a child, as he knows that would break her into millions of pieces. But she hates the fact all she's doing is spending money he's worked his ass off to make, only to not even get the end result.

When they did their research, she had read that first tries don't usually work, and they had both accepted that easily. She didn't expect anything after the first try, though getting her period did sting, but after the second try, she was really hopeful.

However, that morning she got her period, crushing her dream into ashes and setting her traitorous little heart on fire for the second time.

"I really thought I was pregnant." Katniss whispers quietly, and though she's as quiet as a mouse, she knows he can hear her. She sniffles into his shirt, her hands clutching at him like he's her lifeline. "I just…I _felt_ pregnant. I-I really thought that maybe I could be."

"Oh, Katniss." He whispers, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"I felt sick all the time and I was sore and dizzy and all of the things I should be, all the things they tell you to watch out for." She explains, her head pressing against his chest, her ears listening out for the sound of his heart beating. "But…maybe I must have just been sick. Or my period decided to be a bitch this time."

"Maybe." He says, and she knows that he's struggling with knowing what to say to her. "The signs for early pregnancy are so similar to a period."

She nods. "Yeah."

"It'll be okay." He promises, though she's not sure if she believes him this time. "We still have another try, and third tries must go better. Why would there be three unless three was golden?"

"One more try," She agrees, pulling her head away from his chest so she can look him in the eye. "How are you so hopeful? All I'm doing is failing."

"Because you're Katniss Everdeen," He says, like the answer is obvious. "You don't know how to fail."

* * *

_Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp._

She glances up, her eyes narrowed. "Stop pacing." She says, her voice quiet, sounding more tired than she intended it to. "It sounds like a herd of elephants when you stomp around."

"Sorry," Peeta walks around the bed to sit on the chair beside it. He holds out his hand for her to take, which she does, of course, their fingers tangling together. "Can't help it."

She smiles softly. "I know."

A few minutes pass without a word, and she ignores the way his foot is tapping against the floor, knowing he's just anxious and he has no real control over it. _He can't help it. Stop being an asshole,_ she berates internally.

Katniss looks around the room with a sigh; sipping her water from the plastic cup in her free hand that Peeta got her a few minutes ago. She turns to her best friend, offering him a smile, and bites her lip when he smiles back. "It shouldn't be too long now." She muses, her nails tapping on the plastic gently.

"I know." He says, a smirk coming onto his face, his fingers squeezing hers comfortingly before he lets them slip from hers, before he links them again. He does the motion a couple of times, obviously playing with her hand to distract them both. "We have done this twice before, remember?" He chuckles, trying to make light of it, but the reminder just makes her look away. "Third time lucky?"

"Third time lucky…" She repeats in a whisper, her eyes staring at their hands as his fingers link through hers again, before pulling apart and back together again. And the motion continues.

Apart.

Together.

Apart.

Together.

"I…after this try, if it's not successful, it means more tests and more doctors and nurses and I-I just didn't think that it would be this hard to get pregnant, you know?" He nods slowly. "I mean...I'm ovulating when we do this, they're putting it in the optimal place, why is it not working?"

"I don't know." He says, knowing she has more to say, and he truly doesn't know why it hadn't worked yet.

Her period had ended, and they had called the doctor to tell them, earning them the sympathetic tones all over again, before they were given another appointment for their third and final try of this round a few weeks later, something they had both been dreading.

They couldn't face it all over again and keep hope. _She_ couldn't.

Peeta is a fountain of hope, constantly giving her comfort and encouragement, and he's always the first to say how it'll take time and they just have to keep faith that it'll work. He's more patient than she is, and she knew that, but sometimes it irritates her when all she wants to do is be pessimistic.

She's always thought that when you're a pessimist, you're never disappointed.

Turns out she was wrong; as she feels disappointment- among other things- with every minute she isn't pregnant.

"People I know have had artificial insemination and it has worked first try for them." She continues, her tone coming out far whinier than she had intended. "I guess I just sort of hoped I would be the same."

"I know, Katniss." He replies, his tone lost and unsure as he listens to her complaints, trying to think of how to comfort her.

He's not used to the situation they're in. She's his best friend, the one woman in his life he's one hundred percent certain he can trust, the only woman who's never let him down no matter how big or small something is, and he can't give her the only thing she's asked of him. "It will happen."

She scoffs. "Easy for you to say, you're not the one having to sit there whilst you bleed for a week, crying and in pain." She mutters, before realising how cruel she sounded, and she quickly backtracks. "I didn't mean that. That's not fair. I didn't mean to make it sound like you didn't care or you don't get a say-"

"I know you didn't." He smiles to show her that he's not upset, but it doesn't reach his eyes, and she knows that she hurt him with her words. "I don't understand that side of it, that's true, and I never will. But, I am devastated when it doesn't work, not because I have no hope or I think you're failing or that it won't happen, but because I know what it's doing to you."

"Peeta-"

"I know how badly you want this. I know how desperate you feel to be a mother, and I know how much it's hurting you. I hate that." He assures her, his thumb brushing over her knuckle carefully. "But I'm here, and I feel the pain when you do because we're doing this together. You're not alone. I'm here."

Katniss sniffles, the hand holding her plastic cup moving to place it down so she can wipe at her eyes. "You always know what to say." She whispers.

Peeta knows she's scared of being alone, of him realising it's not worth the hassle and pain and backing out of doing this, or being her friend entirely. He knows her fear of failing, and he knows that every second that goes by without her being pregnant is causing her pain that she never expected.

He doesn't tell her that people try for years, nor does he give her some bullshit story about a friend who went through something similar that had a happy ending. He just promises that, no matter what, they face it together.

Just like they always have.

He's her best friend, and now he'll be the father of her child if this attempt works. He's completely committed to it, and he's effectively solidifying his place in her life until the day they die, forming a bond with their child and her that will never be broken. And she knows that they'll be in each others lives until the day they die, whenever that is, but either way they'll be the same as they are now.

Together.

"I hope so," He smirks, obviously thinking of something in his head that has amused him. "Hormones and mood swings were hard to deal with before, but now I'm going to get the 'you did this to me' during labor too? This will be hard. I need to know what to say."

She laughs quietly, their hands playing with each other as he speaks.

"Repeat after me," He instructs. "Hope is a powerful thing, so I want you to say to me, out loud and proud so I can hear it, before the doctor comes in, 'I will get pregnant'."

She rolls her eyes, but she knows he won't let it go until she agrees, so she does. "I will get pregnant." She whispers, earning her a glare. "I will get pregnant." She repeats, louder this time.

"This is our third try and it will work. In a couple of weeks, I will be holding a positive pregnancy test and smiling so wide that my cheeks hurt."

She sighs and wipes at her eyes a little before she repeats his words. "This is our third try and it will work." She swallows and continues, smiling softly. "In a couple of weeks, I'll be holding a positive pregnancy test and smiling so wide that my cheeks hurt."

"Peeta Mellark is amazing, super sexy and I'm glad he's my baby daddy-"

She laughs loudly, smacking his shoulder, only succeeding in making him chuckle. "Okay, okay, _baby daddy_ , you made your point!" She grins when he kisses her hand, looking up at him so she can catch his eyes, and she bites down on her bottom lip slightly, considering whether she should say her next words.

Ultimately, she chooses to, figuring nothing can embarrass her after him being there whilst she's been inseminated with his sperm twice now. "You are pretty amazing," She says. "And I am very happy and thankful that when I do get pregnant, you're the father."

His smile grows so wide that she thinks it may hurt, before he leans up to press a kiss to her hairline. "You're amazing too, _baby mama-"_

"Gah, these terms are awful!" She laughs, as the both of them know they will never in a million years call each other that. "Who came up with these terms? Why can't I just say 'my children's father'?"

He quirks a brow at her words, and she wonders why for a split second until a smirk appears on his face even as he pulls his face away from hers. "Children? Plural?"

Her eyes widen, shocked that she had said it, as it was completely accidental. "I-"

The door opening makes them both turn their heads to face it, completely cutting her off, and Effie steps in. "Hi, am okay to come in now?" She asks as she pushes the trolley she always has with her, full of the equipment she'll need, in front of her. When they both nod, she closes the door behind her. "Brilliant."

 _Why did I say children? We're only having one. We only agreed on one._ Katniss thinks as Effie chatters on, her mind whirling over the fact she had just referred to having more than one child with him. _Do I want to do this again one day? Do I want to have more?_ She thinks, trying to shake herself out of it.

"If you want to lay back, Katniss," Effie says, putting on her gloves before she lifts the barriers on the bed so Katniss can be secure and know she won't fall. She adjusts the stirrups that are attached to the bed, pushing them to where she wants them. "And put your feet up on the stirrups?"

Katniss does as she's asked, ignoring the rambling of her mind as she lays back. Just before she reaches the pillows, Peeta uses his free hand to prop them up a bit, ensuring she won't hurt her neck.

"Are you comfortable?" Effie asks, draping a sheet of blue paper over her waist so neither of them can see past her stomach. "I know it may not be the most dignified positions, but do you feel okay like that?"

She asks it every time, and every time she receives the same answer.

A nod, a blush, and a joke, "If I said I was, would you judge me terribly?"

Effie giggles, a soft, jittery, sound that takes some getting used to, but Katniss knows it well by now. "Not at all. You have to be comfortable considering what I do, and then you have to lie there for a while. Comfort isn't optional."

"Then I am so comfortable, I could sleep." Katniss assures her, glancing beside her to where Peeta is sat, keeping his eyes firmly on her top half just like he always does. "If I'm lucky, I can get one installed at home. Maybe Peeta will do it." She jokes, taking her hand out of his so she can poke his cheek.

He just takes her hand back, and she's glad, as she never intended to separate for long. "Not likely." He states, pressing a kiss to her knuckle before letting their hands drop to the bed again, and she can't help but take note of how often he's been doing it since they agreed to try for a baby. "I can't build things. I bake and I make pretty pictures."

"And lift flour." Effie chimes, remembering their first meeting, as she gets her equipment ready. "I think if you ask nicely, he might just do it."

"No way. Maybe I'll pay a couple of people to bring a new mattress in when you're heavily pregnant, but I don't think even I can deal with seeing you like this every day." He points out, gesturing to her spread legs.

"I can get behind that." She smirks. "So long as you buy the duvet covers. Those things are expensive." He rolls his eyes at her attempt to make deals, but nods his consent despite his grumbling and groaning. "Imagine matching ones-"

"No," He cuts her off, knowing she was being playful, but he knows what she was about to say, and he's refusing it point blank. "Matching beds for mother and child is taking it too far with the trends, thank you."

"I think it's sweet." Effie coos, her eyes alight at their playful banter.

"No, Peeta is right," Katniss wrinkles her nose with a laugh. "Matching bedspreads is an awful idea. But, if it would drive him crazy, I would do it. Since I can't, you can't take our babies to meetings just so people agree to deals because you're a daddy."

 _There it is again_ , she groans internally, _the babies word again. What is wrong with me? Baby, it is just one baby._

He blushes because that's probably exactly what he'd do. "Fine, I'll just bring the baby because I want to show him or her the perfect presentation preparation and show them exactly what to do to wow their audience."

She rolls her eyes, pretending to ignore the way he deliberately used alliteration to prove a point, only making himself sound geekier then usual. "So long as I get to watch too." She grins.

"Well, of course." He winks, holding her hand closer just as Effie inserts the speculum, making her wince visibly.

After a few minutes of quiet whilst Effie inserts the catheter that will be used, Peeta pipes up again, his voice curious as his fingers play with hers, and she tries to ignore how strange it feels to do this even though it's her third try. "I have a question."

"Shoot." She says, gripping his hand slightly harder at the discomfort she feels.

"Why does this feel like really disappointing sex?" He asks, completely out of the blue, and she can't help it. She laughs, jolting Effie slightly and making her glare.

"This isn't sex." She states firmly.

"Really?" He asks, tilting his head to the side. "This doesn't count?" She shakes her head. "Because this feels like I'm watching a catheter have sex...instead of me."

"What on...did you get dropped on your head recently?" She asks, trying her hardest not to laugh.

"Seriously, does this not count as having sex because it's been a really long time and I think I should count it just so I seem less sad?" He admits, clearly trying to distract her from the discomfort of the procedure, and it seems to be working, as she's too focused on how idiotic their conversation is to focus on what is happening down below.

"You want to count a speculum holding me open, a catheter being guided into my womb and then your sperm being passed through it, as sex?" She asks, shaking her head, before she realises. "You just said all of that to distract me, didn't you?"

He nods, his hand still in hers. "Absolutely." He reaches up, brushing the hair from her eyes. "It worked."

An hour later, after she's had it done and all questions have been asked, she's behind the curtain getting dressed again, with Effie having left the room to give her some privacy, when Peeta pipes up once more, his tone curious.

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" He asks, leaning against the edge of the bed she had been sat on, waiting for her to finish changing. "Since you're definitely going to be pregnant after that try, I can feel it, what would you prefer?"

She shrugs, pulling on her jeans. "I would be happy with any gender." She tells him, her tone honest, as she is. She truly doesn't mind. She just wants a baby. "Why?" She asks, coming out from behind the curtain. "Do you have a preference?"

Peeta shakes his head, grabbing her jacket and holding it out for her to slip into. "Not at all." He promises, and she knows he's being truthful by his tone. "I will love and give my upmost devotion and care to our child no matter what gender he or she turns out to be." He lets go of the jacket once it's on her body.

"I suppose," He continues, his voice wistful. "I have always seen myself having a little girl first, only because I'm one of three boys, and no Mellark girl has been born in three generations now, but it wouldn't matter to me. I would want and love either a girl or boy."

For a split second she imagines Peeta with a baby girl, smiling at the sight in her imagination of him holding a tiny pink bundle, cooing down at her as Katniss tries to get another peek at their newborn. Their baby has just been born but she's already so beautiful, and the doctors tell her how healthy she is and Katniss's crying from how happy she is before Peeta kisses her and-

 _That's new_. She frowns to herself; glad her back is to him in that moment so he doesn't see. _Why would you imagine Peeta kissing you? He's your friend; this is a purely platonic baby making deal. He wouldn't kiss you._

No she doesn't think that will ever happen, she doubts he's ever even considered her in that way, she wouldn't blame him. He's probably never given her a second thought past being her best friend, and she needs to rid her brain of these ideas before they manifest into something else.

She shakes her head to rid herself of those thoughts, straightening her jacket in an attempt to look casual. "I think," She starts, turning to face him. "That Peeta Mellark has been put on this earth to raise a daughter." She tells him slowly, a nervous smile coming through on her face. "I just hope I can give you one."

He smiles back, wrapping an arm around her to pull her in close. "Like I said, you're Katniss. You don't know how to fail."

 _Oh_ , she thinks, her fingers playing with the fabric of his shirt. _If only that were true, things would be so much easier._

"You really believe that, don't you?"

"You're my best friend," He states, and she ignores the pang in her chest at the words that she's never had before. "I only think good things about you, and usually, I'm right."

She presses her face into his chest, reveling in the warmth he gives her, completely free, and she takes it in handfuls. "I only think good things about you too."

"Then we make a good team." He grins, pressing his nose into her hair, and she ignores how badly her heart wants to stay there, never wanting to pull away, not in a moment like this. "Don't we?"

She nods, her fingers splayed over his heart, feeling it beating beneath her touch. "Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is chapter three, and some signs as to our Katniss feeling some lovely things that we all love. I really didn't intend to write more than ten chapters of this, but it looks like I probably will, unless I cut out some things from it. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want a baby, I want your baby," She whispers, her voice breaking, and she knows it might make her sound desperate, which she is, but she doesn't care. She wants his baby, no one elses, and her mind has been made up since she asked him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm writing this chapter seconds after writing chapter three, which I think says something about my muse for this fic. It's lovely having inspiration, and I refuse to waste it!
> 
> Disclaimer (do people still do these?): I own nothing except my ideas. Literally nothing.
> 
> With Heart And Hands

Placing her phone down, Katniss smiles across the table from him. They're used to this by now, and the both of them listen to the argument that they've become accustomed to over the past twenty-five years of knowing each other.

He wiggles his brows at her, his arms folded over his chest, and she pushes her foot into his knee. "What?" He mouths.

"We need to tell them." She mouths back, glancing to the end of the table, where her father and Uncle Haymitch are arguing over which _Die Hard_ movie was the best.

"What are you two whispering about?" Prim asks, a smirk on her face as she takes note of the pair speaking during the weekly argument.

"The first _Die Hard_ was clearly the best, but I stand by my comment that the third one is underrated." Her father defends; his eyes alight with playfulness and cheek as he speaks to his brother. "Two was decent but three was better."

"Complete horseshit." Haymitch shakes his head. "Three was the biggest load of crap I ever saw.

Katniss glances at her sister, shrugging her shoulders innocently. "Nothing." She lies, wishing she could tell her right then and there, but she knows she can't. They agreed to tell her family as one, not one by one, and as much as she loves Prim, the second she knows is the second the town knows.

Two weeks after their third attempt, she's been putting off taking the pregnancy test that she was told she could now take, and she had pushed it by a week, and then another. And now it had been a month since their last attempt, and she still didn't know.

But she also hadn't had her period.

It didn't mean anything, she had reasoned. She's never been entirely regular, and she refuses to build their hopes on that alone.

The truth of the matter is that she's afraid, and it's something that neither she nor Peeta can deny or help. The only person besides Peeta who has ever been able to quell her worries is her father, and she was desperate to tell him that they were trying.

Originally, they weren't going to tell their family until she was at least twelve weeks into a pregnancy, where it would be safe to tell them, but she's scared, and she wants to tell her father, but she knows her father can't keep a secret from her mother, which means Prim will know, and then the whole town knows.

So, she had discussed it with Peeta, and to her delight, he had agreed that it was probably a good idea to tell her family, at least, with his being told two days later at their Sunday roast dinner they go to every week.

" _Sometimes a girl just needs her father. How could I not get that?"_ He had said when she asked, terrified that he would say no and want to keep it a secret, but she should know him better after twenty-five years of friendship.

It's Friday, and Friday night is the one evening of the week that her and Peeta like to keep free for family dinner at hers. Her mother cooks enough food for an army, Haymitch brings wine, and Peeta brings his world famous cheese buns and other treats for dessert.

She brings Peeta, which is more than enough for her family.

"Dad, Haymitch," She coughs, grabbing their attention, and the pair stop speaking immediately. "Peeta and I want to tell you all something." She stands, making her way to his chair so they can stand together, ready to face her family as one, and she offers him a small smile when he takes her hand for support.

"What is it?" Her mother asks, turning to look at them properly.

Prim crosses her arms over her chest, eyeing them suspiciously. "No way." She whispers, obviously having pieced something together. "You two finally did it?"

Her father's eyes widen, and she feels like she's been left out of a conversation. "You two are together?" He asks, not giving them a chance to respond before he lets out a bellowing shout. "I knew it! Iris, get that wedding binder you've had since they were teenagers, our little girl is getting married within the year I guarantee it!" He exclaims gleefully.

"What?" Katniss frowns.

"Can I be your maid of honour?" Prim asks, giving her sister the doe eyes she is famous for using to get what she wants. "I look great in a dress and I will not steal your thunder-"

"No!" She exclaims, her tone high pitched. "No, no! No wedding binders, no maid of honour, we're not getting married." She informs them, narrowing her eyes when her father visibly deflates. "We're not together."

Haymitch lets out a burp, waving his hand like an apology. "Why don't one of you man up and say it then?"

Peeta takes the hit, as if the words coming from him will make it better. "Katniss and I have something important to tell you. No, we are not together, and we won't be getting married. But we have decided-"

"We're trying for a baby!" She blurts out, unable to help herself, and she realises that she yelled it. "Sorry. We're trying for a baby together." She says, quieter this time.

The deafening silence that follows is almost painful.

Her sister just blinks, her mother looks ready to fall out of her chair, and her Uncle Haymitch is even silent, staring at them like they've both grown three heads. Her father, however, looks as though he's been sucking on a lemon, with his lips pursed together and a crease in his brow.

"I'm not pregnant yet." She adds, a nervous tint adding into her voice. "But we're trying, and I wanted, we wanted, to tell you before we are."

"You," Her father coughs, looking between them. "You have to have sex to get pregnant, Katniss." He says, like it's obvious. "You know? That's how babies are made. Two people have sex, a woman gets pregnant, and they raised their child together, usually married-"

"Rowan," Her mother scolds, clearly thinking that a couple shouldn't have to be married, but she doesn't say a word about them having a child. "It's Katniss, I'm sure she's thought it through, and it's Peeta, he wouldn't just do this without thinking."

Her father holds up his hands in surrender. "Sorry. Please explain."

Katniss frowns, looking at her family in confusion. "Well explain what?" She asks. "I've told you bluntly. Peeta and I are trying to have a child, and we're going to raise it together. We've talked this through and we have a plan. We both really want to have a child. Together."

"You had a plan last time." Her father says, making her frown. "Peeta was there last time, I was fairly certain he was going to raise Willow with you, but that didn't work out."

"Rowan!"

"Dad!" Prim scolds.

"I'm being honest." He sighs, and she can feel Peeta's shock radiating off him in waves. "You wanted Willow, look how it turned out. Katniss, this is a bad idea, you are not ready to have a child. And Peeta, you are tying yourself to a child and going to love a child that you are both not ready for. I mean, what if what happens before happens again?"

"I'm going to be careful!" She exclaims, tears shining in her eyes.

"You don't know what could happen, Katniss!" He responds, his eyes wide and his voice firm. "You could get hurt, just like last time, and it would kill you both! This is a bad idea. You shouldn't do this."

She scoffs, her hand dropping away from Peeta's. "I am." She spits back, turning on her heel, and she ignores them calling her back as she storms off into the garden.

* * *

Twiddling her thumbs together, she glances up at the sound of the door opening behind her, her father stepping out with two mugs in hand and a blanket draped over his arm. "Permission to come out?"

She shrugs, staring ahead at the garden she grew up in. "Whatever. It's your home."

"It's your home too, sweetheart." He sighs, placing the mugs on the windowsill behind the swinging seat she's on, sheltered by their veranda in the garden. "It always will be."

"Didn't feel like it in there." She states, not looking at him, her nose turned high in the air and her arms crossed. "What do you want?"

He drapes the blanket over her legs, pulling it up and over her crossed arms. "It's ten o'clock, it's cold." He reasons, sitting down beside her, and she would feel bad about dragging him into the cold if she wasn't so mad. "I came out to apologise."

"Because mom told you to?"

He shakes his head. "No, because I spoke to Peeta. That boy is very smart, and he has a silver tongue." He muses, his eyes on her, watching her face soften at his words. "He explained that you came to him and asked him to be a...donor."

She nods, remaining silent.

"And he told me about the clinic and that doctor you like to see, Effie?" She nods again. "And he told me how brave you've been, and your reasons for wanting a child, and he told me how much he wanted it."

"Yeah."

Rowan clasps his hands together, pursing his lips, and she knows he's struggling for the right words. "I am deeply, deeply, sorry for what I said before. I was completely out of order, and I am disgusted in myself. I was just in shock. It's not an excuse, but it's the only one I have."

"Why would you say those things?" She finally asks, her voice breaking. "Willow dying was the most painful thing I have ever had to experience, and you brought it up like it was nothing. It's taken me nearly fifteen years to get over it, and I don't even think I have."

"Because, Katniss, at the end of the day, you are my daughter. You growing up and having your own children does not change the fact that I spend every day of my life worried about you." He admits, his voice soft. "And the thought of you putting yourself at risk of that hurt, that torture, you went through before again...well I panicked."

"But-"

He holds up a hand to stop her. "I know things are different. And I know I was out of order. But I realised, in speaking to Peeta, that despite all my worrying and my attempts to be cruel to be kind, I was hurting you worse." He sighs. "And I know now that I don't have to worry so much, because that man protects you in a way every father dreams his daughter will be cared for."

"He's not my husband-"

"But he is the man you have chosen to have a child with." He reminds her, making her nod slowly, not understanding. "For all intents and purposes, that man is your husband, because you're spending the rest of your life with him, and your child."

"He's my best friend, dad." She uncrosses her arms finally. "He was forever in my life anyway. He would have been there for Willow, just like you said."

"And he would have been as good a father as you would have been a mother." Rowan offers her a small smile. "And now, you two will be wonderful parents to this new child. And I couldn't be any prouder of you for being the brave woman you are and putting yourself on the line so you can have what your heart desires."

Her eyes fill with tears, this time happier ones, and she bites her bottom lip. "Really?"

"Really." He confirms, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her to lay her head on his chest. "I can't wait to be a grandfather, and I'm very happy you chose Peeta. He'll take care of you both, which is every fathers dream. But more importantly, I am happy if you are happy."

She smiles, wrapping her arms around him to keep him close, glad for her fathers support, and just like that, her anger and pain is gone. He didn't say what he said to hurt her, only to protect her, and she knows he would never hurt her on purpose. "I will be happy."

"Then I support you to the end."

* * *

The sound of a food wrapper next to her makes her glance over to the man beside her digging into his Chinese take out, hers already finished and on the coffee table in front of them. "Enjoying that?" She checks, raising an eyebrow.

"Very much so." He confirms, swallowing some of the food in his mouth.

She turns her head back to the TV, barely focused until an advert that's loud enough to scare his neighbours comes on, and she uses the volume to turn the volume down before someone come knocking on his houses door. "Jesus," She complains, turning it down.

" _The only pregnancy test that tells you how many weeks."_ The woman on the TV says, making Katniss close her eyes, sighing as she thinks of the pregnancy test in her bag.

It's another day, twenty-four hours after they told her family, and twenty-four hours before they tell his, and all she can think is that this is another chance to avoid taking that pregnancy test in her bag. Except pregnancy test adverts make that hard, especially since she's desperate to know.

"Could that woman have said that in an even more irritating voice?" She grumbles, not even bothering to look at him, as she knows for a fact he's staring at her with a confused expression. "She sounds so condescending! I'll bet she has a nice house in a really nice, posh, neighbourhood. I'll bet she has the biggest house on the street and it's so ostentatious that it makes passersby sick."

"The advert lady?"

Katniss nods. "I'll bet it has good schools, the best even, and I'll bet her husband is perfect, and their two little children are perfect too. Two little children she had naturally that she probably got pregnant with first try and didn't lose any. And I'll bet they're called normal, sensible names like Jess and Ben."

"I think you're being a bit unfair on the advert lady-"

"I'll bet they have a fucking cat too that has a little bell on its collar. Or a dog, probably a Labrador, that's loving and gentle. And I'll bet she goes overboard for Christmas-"

"You know all of this, how?" Peeta raises an eyebrow.

"She has the voice for it. Like a mother who doesn't know what it's like to lose it." She whispers, frowning, and swallows her saliva as it builds up in her mouth. "Like she knows everything and she has the perfect life, pretending that she wants that for you too."

"Okay," Peeta puts his food down, turning to her with a sigh. "I sense that your irritation is stemming from four weeks ago at the doctors. What's wrong?"

Katniss frowns, shrugging her shoulders. "I saw a pregnant woman when I drove over here." She admits, twiddling her thumbs together. "She looked like me, but pregnant, and she looked so happy. I've seen her around your neighbourhood a lot, usually with her husband, but now she's showing with a beautiful baby bump that she, of course, looks perfect with."

"And this annoyed you?"

She nods. "Yeah." She states simply, like it should be obvious. "My carbon copy gets a baby with her husband, probably naturally, probably accidental because she looks like a lucky person. Meanwhile, I have sperm literally put in my womb, and I'm not pregnant."

"You don't know that."

"I'm probably not." She plays with the fabric of her jeans, staring down at her lap with a glum expression. "I don't feel pregnant, my boobs don't hurt, I'm not ill, I'm not sore. This is...karma." She scoffs, watching his hand come out to rest on her knee as a comforting gesture.

"Karma? Like what goes around will come around?" He raises an eyebrow in confusion.

She nods, her face morphing into one of anger. "It's karma for being so stupid, for being so idiotic losing my baby before!" She grows angrier, pushing his hand off of her leg. "It's my fault! I didn't listen, I didn't try hard enough, and now I can't have one at all!" She cries, but when he reaches for her, she stands, keeping her distance. "Why does she get everything I want? Why don't I get that?"

"But, Katniss, we're trying." He stands, his hands going to his hips, and he stares at her in confusion, unsure as to where her outburst has come from. "I-I don't know what to tell you. You will get pregnant-"

"And if I don't? We're back at _square one!"_ She cries softly, hugging herself a little. "More doctors and hospitals and more inseminations, more disappointments and failures!"

"Katniss, it's not a failure-"

"You don't know what it's like Peeta," She sobs, tears falling from her eyes, and she knows they're out of frustration more than anything else. "You don't know what it's like to feel pain with every period, not just the usual pain, but the pain in my heart, having a reminder each time of how much I've failed us!"

"You haven't failed!"

"I have failed me and you and I failed Willow, _again_ , by failing this!" She exclaims, pacing around as she blinks back her tears. "Unsuccessful, that's what they _say,_ but what they mean is I'm a failure!"

"Katniss!"

"I can't even get pregnant, what kind of mother does that make me?" She sobs, sitting in his armchair, burying her face into her hands. "I'm the worst mother in the world, I can't even have your baby!"

"Katniss!" He exclaims, his voice louder than she's ever heard it, and it makes her look up at him in shock. "Listen to me," He starts, his voice going back to its normal, soft, comforting, tone. He kneels in front of her, taking her hands in his and pressing a kiss to her palms. "You are not a failure. You are going to be a wonderful mother, and you will be a mother."

"But-"

"Even if the tests come back negative, you will be a mother." He promises, his hands squeezing hers. "I don't care what it takes. I don't care if it takes millions of dollars and thousands of hours and I go bald from tearing my hair out in frustration, I will do whatever it takes to make sure you become a mother."

"What if I'm the problem?" She whispers, her heart breaking.

"And what if it's me?" He asks, clearly having considered the possibility that it is him who can't have a child. "If it is, I will find another way, even if I'm not the father-"

"No," She cries, her hands cupping his cheeks quickly, and she shakes her head. "No, no. We're doing this together. I don't want _a_ baby, I want _your_ baby," She whispers, her voice breaking, and she knows it might make her sound desperate, which she is, but she doesn't care. She wants _his_ baby, no one elses, and her mind has been made up since she asked him. She isn't someone who changes her mind often. "And you promised me." She sniffles, her thumb stroking his cheek.

"Okay, okay," He whispers, his eyes wide, and she knows that he's shocked over her confession. He thought she had just asked because she knew what she was getting into with him, but it seems as though she may have wanted him no matter what. "Together, I promise, it'll be our baby. Now...just breathe."

She does as he asks, breathing in and holding it, biting her lip. "I'm going crazy, Peeta," She whispers, her voice quiet and broken. "I just want to take that test, I need to take it." She whispers. "But the thought of seeing the negative-"

"It'll be positive." He assures her, going to her bag and passing her the test from it carefully, like he's afraid of breaking it. "I will be there every step of the way, darling. I will sit next to you and whisper comforting thoughts like cheese buns and chocolate. You are not alone. I'm here."

Katniss nods, her hands somehow finding their way to his shoulders, needing to keep in contact with him in that moment like she needs air to breathe. "Stay with me?" She whispers.

"Always." He promises, and she doesn't need him to say anymore than that. He doesn't make a habit of lying, and, even if he did, the look in his eyes convinces her of the truth of his words.

He understands what she's asking him, and she knows in that moment that he's truly all in no matter what. He's there for the pregnancy test now and all future ones, and he's there for the awkward questions and embarrassing doctor appointments, and he's going to do everything in his power just so he can give her what she desires.

And she knows that he wants it as badly as she does, even if he wasn't the one who wanted it originally, he wants for her to be pregnant as badly as she does.

But, in the back of her mind, she knows why she's so panicked over it, and it isn't just fear of failing at the one thing she's biologically meant to be able to do. It's the fear of failing him too, and she doesn't want for it to end up being a case of the fact it's just _them._

She doesn't think she could bare it if they can't do this together, and she knows for a fact that, despite her words before, she could never use a random sperm donor that she knows nothing about. She was honest with him; she doesn't just want a baby.

She wants _his_ baby.

Though she might not have realised it, she knows now that it's why she thought of him first, why she was so terrified of him saying no and why she's so scared that it won't work. Maybe she was slow realising it, but she does now, and she's not sure if it's just the familiarity of _him_ or if it's some kind of primal desire she never gave much thought, but now that she's realised it, it's all she wants.

 _Maybe it's because you know he'll never leave you,_ her brain supplies, rather unhelpfully. _When you were pregnant before, he was perfect, and even after Willow was born, he acted like a father would, taking her in his arms and protecting her from harm. He even bought her toys so she wouldn't be alone when she was buried. He loved her, and she wasn't his. You know he'll love your child._

With that thought in mind, she stands slowly, and she's thankful that they have twenty-five years of friendship behind them, meaning he's seen her use the bathroom before, and there is no real awkwardness in him staying by her side when she has to pee on the stick.

She's called a prude a lot, which Peeta often says is true, though he always claims that she's perfect for him either way, but she hardly understands how someone can call her a prude when she pees in front of her best friend with no shame.

 _Maybe it's just areas surrounding sex that you're prude about_ , she thinks as she stares at the stick in her hands, sat back on his couch with him beside her and his arm around her waist to hold her close to his side, her body molding into his perfectly, and she ignores the feeling of longing to do this all night that bubbles in her gut.

"How much longer?" She asks, knowing he would have read the instructions when she clearly didn't, her hands shaking as she taps the test against her leg.

He glances at his watch. "One minute."

She nods, her fingers tapping on her knee, the test bouncing with the movements and hitting against her thigh. "This is the last chance-"

"Of this round."

"What comes next?" She asks, her eyes glancing up to look into his, and she hates how hers are already glassy. "More testing and more inseminations. I know it hasn't been long, but it's getting to me. You know I'm not a patient woman."

"We'll take each day as it comes," He promises. "If artificial insemination doesn't work, we'll look into IVF." He assures her. They both know that IVF would be the next available option, and quite possibly the only option, if this test is negative and no other inseminations work.

She nods. "Yeah." She bites her bottom lip, knowing one option they hadn't tried, and if she weren't so emotional and delusional, she would probably never even consider suggesting it. "Or we could just have a ridiculous amount of sex like normal people when they want a baby."

His head snaps to look at her again, his eyes slightly wide, and she knows she's shocked him. "We don't do that."

"Not now, but if that's what works." She shrugs, glancing down at the test again, and she groans when it still shows no results. "We can be clinical about it, if we have to. I'll just spread my legs, you just do your thing, we put a pillow under my hips and I keep my legs crossed, and maybe that'll do it."

"That's hardly what best friends do."

"Do best friends do this?" She gestures between them, clearly referencing their situation. "Maybe it's stupid, but if sex is the last option and it's the one thing that works, surely it isn't the worst idea to try it?"

The sound of his watch beeping makes them both sit up, and she takes a deep breath, desperately hoping the test holds the result that they're both wanting to see. But she finds that she feels frozen, knowing the enormity of what the test says, and she passes it to him quickly.

"I can't do it." She admits.

He nods, still seeming in a sort of state of shock from her words previously, but he masks over it with the nerves he feels instead. "Okay," He offers her a small smile. "I'll look." He turns the test over in his hands, and his whole body goes stiff for a spit second.

"Well?" She whispers, her hands coming together in a sort of praying motion despite the fact neither of them are particularly religious. "What does it say?"

He doesn't answer. He just looks up at her with wide eyes brimming with tears, before his hand is turning the test over so she can see the result as clear as day.

Pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is chapter four! Woohoo! I can't believe I'm just knocking this out now like it's nothing, and I'm terrified of the sheer amount of mistakes that I have probably made. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying it!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> According to the test, she's roughly four weeks along, and usually it would be too early for any normal woman to know she's pregnant, but after an artificial insemination, a woman can take a test two weeks later. Most women do. Katniss had been too afraid, meaning they only took it the night before.
> 
> She's pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has become my baby over the past chapters, and I love the fact that I have the muse to continue on with it. I hope that you're enjoying reading it as much I am enjoying imagining it and then writing it. All I can think about at work is writing this, which is a concern, I really should just be thinking of work.
> 
> Disclaimer (do people still do these?): I own nothing except my ideas. Literally nothing.
> 
> With Heart And Hands

Katniss stops him before he grabs his key, her hands shaking as she grips his arm. "Remember, no word about the baby." She reminds him, unable to help her face morphing into a gigantic smile at the memory that she's well and truly pregnant after so long of waiting.

"I know," He grins, his hand taking hers from his arm so he can hold it. "We're just telling them that we've decided to try, and once you're past the twelve week stage, we'll tell them."

"Right." She nods, taking a deep breath. "Hopefully this will go better than Friday."

"Well, my mother isn't here so I can guarantee it can't go worse." He admits, his mother not having been in his life since the day he finally revealed the years of abuse she put him through, both physical and verbal, and the only people he has to tell is his father and brothers.

They told her family on the Friday, and it was now Sunday, meaning they had their weekly dinner with his family like they always have and most likely always will. The night before, they had taken the pregnancy test that confirmed she was finally pregnant, their third try being successful.

According to the test, she's roughly four weeks along, and usually it would be too early for any normal woman to know she's pregnant, but after an artificial insemination, a woman can take a test two weeks later. Most women do. Katniss had been too afraid, meaning they only took it the night before.

She's pregnant.

After three tries and after fifteen years, she's finally pregnant, and neither of them could be any happier if they tried.

Peeta had been so happy that he picked her up and spun her around the room like some kind of cliché romantic comedy movie, but she had laughed and held onto him tightly, knowing he would never let her fall but wanting his embrace anyway.

He had pressed kisses to every inch of her face, thanking her and crying himself whilst she didn't hold back her own tears for the first time in her life, both of them completely, utterly and madly delighted at the news.

 _He kissed you everywhere else besides the one place you wanted,_ her brain whines, and she closes her eyes for a split second to shut that voice up, wishing it would go away. _You know I'm right._

"Shut up," She whispers to her brain, not realising she had said it out loud until hurt splashed across his face. "Sorry, not you, my brain." She assures him, shaking her head. "It's panicking over the whole family telling." She lies smoothly.

He offers her a comforting smile, bringing her closer so he can press a kiss to her hairline. "We'll be okay, I'm sure my family will be fine."

"I know." She shrugs. "Still nervous."

Peeta tries to assure her again, but she just gestures for him to open the door, and the moment he does, the smell of whatever Graham Mellark is cooking wafts their way, making her mouth water.

"Dad?" He calls, letting her in first before closing the door behind them, and he takes her coat from her shoulders. "We're here!"

"We're in the kitchen!" His father hollers back, his voice as chipper and joyful as it always is. "Is Katniss with you?"

"Of course she is." Peeta smirks, hanging their coats on the bannister just like he always does. "I swear that dad wants you here more than me sometimes." He comments as they follow the sounds of Graham and his brothers in the kitchen, all of them pottering around.

The moment they're in eyesight, Graham is rushing over, enveloping them both in hugs, and he holds her gently by her arms away from him so he can get a proper look at her. "You look different." He smiles. "You're glowing."

She smiles, trying to hide the panic at the thought of him knowing before she had said a word that she feels. "I'm excited for whatever it is you're cooking, Graham," She says. "It smells amazing."

"Oh, well, I've made your favourite!" He grins, leading her to look in the oven with him, and she gives a quick wave to both of his brothers as she passes them by. "A full roast pork dinner, and I've done the potatoes exactly as you like in duck fat."

"You spoil me, Graham." She jokes, always loving how his father makes her feel so welcome every time they go over, and although there was a time she hated going to the Mellark household because of his witch of an ex-wife, she loves how much it's changed since she left.

"Only the best for you," He grins, grabbing a bottle of wine from the rack near him and grabbing a couple of glasses, and her eyes widen slightly when she realises his intentions. "If truth be told, Peeta has sounded rather stressed these last few weeks, and at our dinner last Sunday, you both seemed so down, I wanted to cheer you up."

She laughs, shaking her head at his constant aiming to please, and she's so thankful that Peeta has a piece of Graham in him. She knows that Peeta is the good man she knows him to be because of the fact he followed his father's footsteps, and she can't wait to see if their children have that same piece in them too.

 _Children_ _again_ , she sighs, trying to will away the thoughts.

"We're fine, it was just a bad day at work was all." She lies, and she can see his disbelief in his eyes. "We're happy now, I promise."

"I will believe you, only because you are a bad liar." He grins, holding up the wine in his hands to offer it to her. "My son on the other hand is a very good one, which is a concern. Wine?"

"No, thank you."

Both his brother's stop their conversation they were having with Peeta so they can turn to her, the shock evident in their eyes. "You?" His brother asks, quirking a brow. "You're not drinking?"

"No, Rye," She rolls her eyes. "I am not drinking."

"Why?" His other brother asks, tilting his head at her. "You aren't a big drinker but you love the wine dad buys."

"I have a big meeting tomorrow." She lies smoothly, her hands going to the pockets of her jeans, but she can see that Bannock doesn't believe her. "Peeta and I have this big work meeting with some of the advertising firms, and I can't show up even remotely drunk like you always get me so I think I have to swerve it."

His father tuts at his youngest son, making Peeta frowns at him in confusion. "You work her too hard!" He teases, but lets the subject go.

After wine has been poured for his brother's and father, with Peeta choosing to opt out too as he's driving and trying to make her story about a meeting believable, and the food has been devoured, the pair of them glances at each other from their places beside each other.

"Anyway, this poor girl had to go all the way back upstairs to find the shirt," Rye continues with his story about his week. "I felt awful making her go up and down, but I knew Delly would kill me if I didn't get it, so I figured it was best to just grin and bare it."

"Did Delly like the shirt?" Bannock asks, referring to Rye's long-term girlfriend- and it strikes Katniss that this is the first dinner that neither of their partners is at, both of them usually involved in the conversation. She knows, logically, that Bannock's wife is at her families and Delly is working, but she still feels their absence.

"Thank God, yes she did." Rye chuckles, his fingers playing with the stem of his wine glass, before he's glancing their way. "What about you two? Do you have any big news? Nothing will top the shirt." He jokes.

She takes a breath, knowing it should be Peeta who is the one to tell them, and her hand moves to squeeze his arm. "Well, Peeta has something to tell you."

"Oh?" His father smiles kindly. "What is it, son?"

Peeta sends a glare her way, clearly not wanting to have been dropped into telling them as he has been, but they both know he would just try and side step the questions if she hadn't forced him into it. "I have some news, well, we have news."

"Good news, I hope." Graham replies, with nothing but curiosity and something akin to joy in his eyes at how happy they both seem.

"Katniss and I have decided..." He thinks of the best way to tell them, and he settles for total, blunt, honesty, knowing it would be easier to do than beat around the bush. His hand takes hers carefully, squeezing it in his like it gives him the strength to speak, before he tells them, "Katniss and I have decided to try for a baby."

Rye smirks, lifting his wine glass to his lips like he knows something no one else does. "You two finally had sex, I knew it. Bannock, you owe me twenty."

"No," Peeta frowns. "We have decided to go down the IUI route."

"IUI?" Bannock tilts his head. "I thought that was that contraption that stopped women having babies, I think you have your wires crossed, Peet."

Katniss rolls her eyes, figuring his family wouldn't know the terms, and she knows he's only confused them, so she decides to chip in. "IUI means intrauterine insemination, otherwise known as artificial insemination. Peeta is my sperm donor, I am the womb, and the doctor uses tools to put his sperm in-"

"Alright," Bannock shudders. "Hearing the word Peeta and sperm in the same sentence was enough." He informs her. "What inspired this? Or is this one of those 'when we're thirty and not married' things?"

"Katniss and I made this decision together a few months ago." He tells them, his eyes finding his father's across the table. "We had our third try a few weeks ago."

"Third try?" His father asks, clearly having thought they hadn't even started yet. "You have been trying two times before this one and you only just told us. Why?"

He sighs. "We weren't sure if we wanted to tell anyone until she was actually pregnant, but Katniss wanted to tell her family, so I wanted to tell you. I love Prim, but she'll have told everyone by now."

"It's true." Katniss agrees, wrinkling her nose. "I love my sister, but you all know what she's like, she's probably already told half the hospital and if she's been to the bakery, they all know."

"I just can't believe you didn't tell us," Graham sighs, his hands clasping together. "I thought we told each other everything. We promised to after...everything that happened."

She frowns, not enjoying the hurt in his father's voice. "It's my fault, Mr. Mellark-" At his look, she corrects herself, "Graham. I was just nervous because of what happened with Willow, and I didn't want any of you to get your hopes up, only for it to not work. But I just needed to tell my father, if I'm honest."

"Well," Graham sighs, reaching out to take her free hand over the table. "I understand that, and no one would begrudge you wanting your father's support." He pats her hand gently. "I think it's a wonderful thing you're doing, you two. And I do get why you chose not to say a word."

"You do?" Peeta asks, sitting up straighter in his chair.

"I do." He promises. "What happened all those years ago was...heartbreaking for you both. We were all devastated, as you know, that little girl was as much a grandchild to me as she was to your parents."

She nods, knowing for a fact that Graham would have taken over the role of being a grandfather to her daughter despite the fact they had no blood relation, just like Peeta was like her father, even to this day he goes to her grave with Katniss at least once a month.

Graham goes with them sometimes too, and though they'll never admit to it, she knows that both Rye and Bannock have flowers brought there every single week without fail.

"I know." She whispers, squeezing his hand gently, knowing that he still feels the pain she does. "And now you're going to have a grandchild again, if it works."

"I can't wait." He smiles, letting go of her hand. "I always knew my Peeta would give me grandchildren one day." He stands, making his way around the table so he can hug his son, before he moves to sit down again. "Only Rye has to catch up now."

Peeta laughs, clearly glad for his father's support, though he does seem somewhat apprehensive over his brother's not saying a word. "What do you two think?" He asks.

Bannock coughs. "I for one think-"

"It's fantastic." Rye interjects, grinning from ear to ear. "I'm going to be an uncle again. Bannock's kids are getting too old now, it's good to have a baby to even things out."

"They're two and five." Bannock furrows his brows, clearly unimpressed by his brother's comments on the ages of his children. "I just wanted to ask if you've thought this through, Peeta. A baby is a huge responsibility, and you already have the business. That's no small feat. It's not like it's a little family run store anymore."

"We'll help you more." Rye adds, shrugging off the concern. "Stop being so negative. Peeta will need our help, and so we will help him. It's still a family business even if only Peeta owns it."

"We both have jobs-" Bannock tries to argue, but Rye doesn't give him a chance.

"Family comes first." He states, like it makes the most sense in the world. "Family means everything, Ban."

Peeta shoots his brother a grateful look, but he speaks up, knowing of Bannock's concerns. "I appreciate the offer, but I honestly think the business will be fine. I have a good team, I trust them, and the business is the littlest worry I have."

"What is your biggest worry?" She asks, not knowing he had any at all, so to learn he does makes her anxious.

He sighs, shrugging a little. "My biggest worry was these guys not understanding." He admits, and she knows in that moment that the things his mother did are rushing to his brain, making him doubt himself and doubt their belief in him. He didn't have a good role model growing up besides his father, and she knows he's concerned that they think he'll fail.

It couldn't be any further from the truth, but she knows it's something he's worried about.

"Peeta Mellark, you knock any negative thoughts out right now," She frowns, her hands taking both of his quickly. "They're fine, just like we thought, and you're going to be such a good father-"

"You really are, Peeta." His father adds, making both of his brother's nod their heads.

"Now, stop worrying and go hug your family."

* * *

Lifting her shirt, she tucks it under her bra, her head tilting as she stares at herself in the mirror in front of her. She looks no different than she has done all her life, and yet she still stares at herself like she does.

It had been two weeks since they told their families of their intent to try for a baby, and two weeks since they took the pregnancy test that told them she is, in fact, already expecting their first child.

 _First?_ She groans to herself, wondering why she can never seem to get a hold of her own mind.

By now, she's six weeks along, with an appointment for their first sonogram that day, and yet she still feels like it isn't real. It feels like some kind of dream she's having, and it's felt that way since she saw the positive pregnancy test.

She's really pregnant.

Peeta is meant to be meeting her any minute, telling her he would be at her apartment by ten, and she knows he's always one to be punctual. It's already nine thirty and she's still in her pajamas, staring at herself in her bedroom mirror like her stomach will all of a sudden morph into a gigantic bump.

It's not her fault. She just can't help it; she's too excited about it all that she feels like she could burst.

Ever since they found out she's pregnant two weeks ago, they've never been happier, at least from her point of view, and she can see how Peeta is with every look he gives her and every smile he sends. He's always been a pleasant person, and it's rare for her to see her best friend without a smile on his face, but now there is this look in his eyes that seems to be reserved just for her.

In the back of her mind, she knows she's probably reading too much into that look. She's pregnant with his child; of course he's going to be looking at her differently. His feelings for her haven't changed except for maybe a ten percent increase in worry.

Peeta isn't her boyfriend or husband or romantically involved with her in any way, shape or form. They're just having this baby together, as best friends, as co-parents, but that's it. It's simple, easy, and just like they planned.

She isn't sure why that makes her feel so disappointed.

The sound of a key turning in her door makes her throw her top down and grab a random pair of jeans near her, pulling them on just in time to hear his loud tread coming inside "Katniss?"

"In here!" She calls, throwing on a pair of socks in a hurried manner "Sorry, I know I'm late-"

"It's early for you-"

"Which is late to you." She comes out of her bedroom once she's dressed, seeing him sat on her couch with a to go coffee cup in hand. "Early to me is late to you."

"It's fine, Katniss, don't rush yourself. We have half an hour." He tells her as he watches her pull on her shoes, reaching out from his seat to hold her arm so he can keep her upright and steady, ensuring she won't fall.

That's what else she's noticed in him, besides the looks and smiles. He's very quickly become more and more protective and worried for her, always on hand and hovering. She pretends to hate it, but she doesn't complain or tell him, only glares or huffs when he helps, knowing he feels useless now that all the focus for the rest of her pregnancy is solely on her.

The thought is slightly daunting, if she's honest.

"No, no, I should rush," She finishes putting her shoes on. "I'm already making us late by your standards because if it was up to you, we would already be at the clinic." She huffs, grabbing her bag and pulling him up and off the couch.

"If you're sure-"

"I am." She promises, tugging him by the hand to her front door, checking that she's unplugged everything and turned things off as she goes. "C'mon."

They make it to the clinic with ten minutes to spare, and she's thankful – not for the first time- that Peeta and her picked the place that was the closest to her apartment, making it easier for her to be early considering the fact she's known infamously for being late.

The same awkward questions that she's been asked a million times are asked, and she doesn't miss the way Peeta sits closer to her than he has done in the past, or the way he lets her have the chair furthest from the nurse who took them in, as she's wearing a floral perfume that makes her feel queasy.

By the time Effie comes around, she feels a lot better, and she's lucky that she enjoys the smell of Effie's perfume; otherwise the next eight months would be hellish.

"So," Effie grins. "Congrats to you both, this is all very exciting!" She clasps her hands together, clearly delighted to hear the news that they were finally pregnant.

"We're excited about it." Peeta smiles, his hand holding hers tightly, their hands settled in his lap, and she ignores the way her chest hurts at the thought that he probably won't do it as often once the baby comes.

 _He's only doing it for the baby, you play no part in this,_ she convinces herself, but something about the words makes her feel uneasy, and she knows she's wrong.

She knows he cares for her, they've been best friends since they were five years old, and she's not sure how anyone could put up with her unless they cared for her and loved her at least a small amount. No one besides her family, him, Annie and Finnick have ever cared for her, not really. She knows she's not an easy person to love, and she's never asked for him to, even now.

But, for a split second, her little heart half hopes she could be wrong. And she hates it.

Still, she thinks he cares. No, she knows he cares, and she thinks he loves her, though not in the way everyone else seems to think he does.

This much she knows. Peeta Mellark doesn't love her like that, as if he did, why wouldn't he just tell her? No one could keep up an act for twenty-five years, even someone as good a liar as him.

No, definitely not. He's being as affectionate as he is because of the baby and because he wants to support her when everything seems so unreal.

Everything still seems untrue, and it's not until she's lying back on the hospital bed, her shirt lifted to her bra and her head resting on Peeta's arm- because it's the most comfortable, nothing else, so she convinces herself- with Effie moving the wand on her flat stomach, that she gets a sense of how real everything is.

The screen in front of them flickers as the wand is moved on her skin, pressing into her stomach and making her feel desperate to go to the bathroom – the one thing no one ever warns people about pregnancy, having to have a full bladder for sonograms. A black and white image comes up, and she can see a black hole with a tiny, white dot in at the bottom of it, resembling a coffee bean.

For a split second, she remembers when Finnick and Annie had proudly showed her their first sonogram of baby Nick, and how unimpressed she had been. It was just a dot on a screen, nothing special or exciting, and she realises how stupid she was. Even with Willow, she didn't have many scans, not being able to afford them, and she definitely doesn't remember feeling the way she does now.

" _You know…if you squint and turn your head ever so slightly to the left it looks like an old potato." Katniss had stated looking at the photo of the baby, not feeling anything for the little bean that Annie was currently growing in her womb._

" _Then don't do that." Finnick had deadpanned; frowning a little and turning her head back the way it was meant to be. "Look, Katniss, isn't he beautiful?"_

" _Could be a girl."_

" _Katniss…" He warned and she sighed, handing him back the photo of the baby._

" _I'm sorry, its just…babies really aren't my thing." She had told him, her voice quiet. "I guess it's just not the same after you lose one." Katniss had whispered, playing with her hands. "I'm sorry for not being more excited, I've probably ruined all the stupid happy feelings. I should just go." She had stated, grabbing her jacket and running out of their apartment._

Its feels different when it's her baby, their baby in fact. The little bean inside her is a mix of her and Peeta, not Finnick and Annie. It's a piece of her. It's a piece of Peeta.

 _How could she not feel a thing before when looking at baby Nick?_ Because Katniss certainly felt something now, and it isn't the pain or dread she felt before. "I-is that it?" She asks, her voice barely a whisper, and she hates how she already has tears brewing in her eyes. Effie nods. "Peeta, that's it." She glances at him, hoping he can see it too.

Peeta, however, is already preoccupied staring at their bean, and she knows he can see it based on the way his eyes are wide, and the fact he has a few tears just brimming in the corner of them. "Wow." He whispers simply, obviously not in the position to talk, but Katniss just smiles fondly at his reaction.

"This is your baby." Effie tells them, a giant smile spread across her face. "You're still very early on, but that is one adorable little six week embryo!" She exclaims joyfully. "He or she is beginning to sprout a nose, eyes, ears, a chin and even cheeks. Isn't that thrilling?"

Katniss nods, trying to take in her words, but her eyes are firmly on the monitor in front of her.

"Now, I can't guarantee I can get it, but I might be able to hear a heartbeat, which would be wonderful." Effie informs them, moving the wand again to find a better angle, and a soft thudding fills the room, but she clearly isn't happy enough so she moves it again, and the sound grows slightly louder. "Better."

She gasps, the sound making her tears fall, and she presses her face into his arm so she can wipe her tears away, before she's looking straight back at the screen.

"As you can see, there is this black circle," Effie uses her finger to point at the screen. "Which is fluid, so it's what we call the 'gestation sac' and then that little white ring is the yolk sac where the baby will be feeding from in the early weeks," She points to the white ring. "Then there is obviously your baby, the little bean, but if you look really closely, can you see that flickering in the baby?" She asks.

They both shift closer to peer at the screen, nodding when they can see it.

"It's the baby's heart beating."

Beside her, Peeta swallows thickly, and she knows he's trying to hold back his tears. He's unsuccessful, as the tears fall anyway, and she brings his hand to her chest, clasping it tightly in both of hers. "Is everything okay with it?" He asks quietly.

Effie smiles comfortingly, nodding her head. "The baby is in the right place, the heartbeat is sturdy and strong. It's a little small at four millimeters instead of the usual five to ten that is considered average, but I wouldn't think it's anything to worry about. All babies are different."

"But it's okay?" He double checks.

"Absolutely." She confirms. "I'm confident that we'll be fine until your twelve week scan, and I have no worries at this time." She promises. "I would normally ask but I doubt I need to but...photos?" She asks.

"Please." Katniss nods.

She turns to her screen, typing something into it. "How many?"

"Oh, uh," She thinks, trying to count who would most likely kill them for not giving them one on her hands. "My parents, us both, his dad-"

"Rye would physically kill me with his bare hands if he didn't get one." Peeta chimes in. "He'd leave you alone because he wants a niece or nephew."

"Glad to hear it," She laughs. "I didn't realise exactly how many people would care." She admits, never having really considered how many people in her life would want a photo of their child, and she's surprised at the sheer number. "So one for each of us, one for both our parents, one for Rye, Finnick and Annie?"

"Finnick would murder me too, so that's wise." He chuckles; counting how many that would be on his hands. "Wow, have you ever printed six of these things in one go before?" He asks Effie, who laughs but does as she's asked. "Are you even allowed to?"

"I'll make an exception for my favourite pair." She smiles.

"Thank you." He says, hazarding a glance at Katniss, and he seems like he wants to tell her something, the words on the tip of his tongue, but he doesn't.

_I love you._

"What?" She asks, wanting to know what was going through his mind, and he wants to tell her so badly it feels like he could burst.

But he doesn't. Instead, he just leans up and kisses her forehead, nuzzling his nose into her hair for a moment before leaning close to her ear. "Thank you." He whispers, pulling away.

Katniss smiles softly, squeezing his hand from it's position in her lap still clasping hers tightly, her thumb brushing over his own. She fiddles with his ring, the one she bought him on his eighteenth that he's never taken off, and for some reason, she wishes he had said something else. She isn't sure what, but she knows disappointment when she feels it.

She knows what she wants to say, not that she ever would in a million years, and she dismisses the thought that he could want to say it too. But she still wants to tell him.

_I love you._

But she doesn't, not believing the words she thinks, going against her own mind. "Thank you too. For everything."

She watches his face, and she can't help but frown, seeing a light in his eyes dim for a split second, and she thinks she's said the wrong thing, but she doesn't do anything to correct herself, instead turning to face the screen again, watching their baby's heart flickering.

He hates that his heart sinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby Mellark is finally officially on the way and is here to stay. I'm so excited! Is that weird? If it is, I don't care.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you sick? What do you need? Do you need blood, organs, bone marrow or money? I could have helped!"
> 
> "Sperm." She answers.
> 
> "I could not have helped."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am writing this seconds after writing five, so you can see how much my muse is up. I'm so happy about how much I enjoy this, as I'm not used to enjoying it as much as I do. I hope you like it!
> 
> Disclaimer (do people still do these?): I own nothing except my ideas. Literally nothing.
> 
> With Heart And Hands

"I can't believe how quickly the last six weeks have gone by." She comments, her hand resting over the slightest swell of a baby bump that has begun to form under her shirt.

It has been six weeks since she was last in this position, with her legs dangling over the side of a hospital bed and Peeta sat in the chair beside it, his hand holding hers. She's now twelve weeks along, and they've been chomping at the bit to tell the people they love.

They had wanted to scream it from the rooftops at least a hundred times before now, but they have always held back because of the unspoken rule everyone has to not tell a soul about being pregnant until at least the twelve week mark.

Today, however, she is officially just over the twelve week point, and they had arranged for both of their families along with Finnick and Annie to come to Peeta's house for dinner. They have their scan, which they were just waiting for Effie to come in and do, and then they know that they can tell people.

As they wait for Effie, Peeta recites all the facts he's learned, as he does every week, proving how many baby books he's read and remembered virtually every line to. It has seemed to be his favourite pass time since they found out she's pregnant.

"All the baby's body parts are now there, but they need to develop." He informs her factually. "And her intestines have moved into place in her abdomen."

"Mh? That's interesting, he's still so small." Katniss mumbles softly, popping a mint in her mouth as she listens, and she gives Effie a tiny wave when their doctor walks into the room.

"Morning all, how are we doing?" Effie asks, putting on the sanitizer in the corner of the room like she always does. "Any morning sickness yet?"

"Quite a lot." Katniss admits to her, and Effie asks a couple of routine questions before making her lie back on the bed and lift her shirt up. "Peeta has been doing his weekly information blast."

"Oh?" Effie smiles, moving the wand over her stomach slowly, giving him the opportunity to continue. "Don't stop on my account."

"For the next twenty-eight weeks," He continues. "Her systems and organs will develop so she's ready for life on the outside." He smiles, looking like the smug bastard he is for having all of the information stored in his head. "She has developed the startle reflex, which means she can now hear sounds, and then she can react by opening and closing her arms and legs. Isn't that interesting?"

" _He_ can do so much." Katniss smiles wide, sucking her mint, glancing down where her tiny bump is forming. "How big is _he_ again?"

"Grapefruit." He answers smoothly, his eyes moving to look at her bump, smiling at the curve that tells him that their baby is in there. "But I'm sure that us feeding _her_ so many cheese buns has made her bigger." He chuckles, thinking of her cravings being cheese buns recently, and he's not sure if cravings are meant to be this early, but he won't deny her anything.

"And what's going to happen to me this week, daddy-o?" She asks, glancing to Effie, who is smiling at his excitement.

He blanks, seeming unsure, but it only takes a moment before he's clicking his fingers on his free hand. "Oh!" He remembers. "Your jeans, trousers, dresses and skirts are probably becoming snug," She nods slowly. "So I got you a belly band in case, which you can put on until its time for maternity clothing, if you want?"

"Well that makes sense, thank you." She smiles, nodding in response to his question. "I couldn't fit into my skinny jeans yesterday, so I will be taking that band."

He nods like he knew that, and she can't help but roll her eyes as she thinks how good at this he already seems to be. "As your uterus," She wrinkles her nose, not liking the word despite the fact she's heard it at least two hundred times. "Moves from the bottom of your pelvis to the front of your abdomen, you should need to pee less."

"Oh I like that." She grins. "Thanks, uterus." He smiles, and she knows he's holding back his laughter at her antics.

Effie laughs, moving the wand around slower, clearly impressed by his knowledge. "Who needs me when you have him?"

"That being said, you might feel dizzy as a replacement." He tells her with a crease in his brow. "If you feel dizzy or faint, tell me, then lie down with your head lowered between your knees, taking deep breaths and then I'll give you loads of sugary snacks."

"Okay, oh no on the being dizzy thing. But yay on the snacks so long as you make it something that you've baked." She teases and holds his hand closer to her chest. "Anything else?"

"Yes! Apparently-" He gets cut off as the screen in front of them flickers to an image that they both recognise, and he goes silent, staring at the machine.

Katniss turns to it, smiling wide as she sees their baby on the screen. She's had to get more scans then a usual woman would when pregnant, considering the fact she lost a baby, and Effie claims that it's just a precaution, making them both feel all the more safe for it.

Peeta has no qualms about it, which she thinks most men would when they saw the hospital bills. Every sonogram costs them nearly five hundred dollars, and every appointment just for a check up costs another hundred. If she was on her own, even with her savings, she could never afford it, and although she knows they picked the best clinic in their town- meaning the most expensive, apparently- she still never considered how much it really would add up to.

Just as he promised, rather argued for, he's helped with every single expense. However, she has taken notice of the fact her bank account seems to only gain money, whilst he always seems to be the one paying, and she hates that she can't even offer to pay it back without feeling like it's some kind of business transaction.

He insists that she's doing the hard work, that she's doing far more than she is, and she knows that paying for it all himself is the only way that he can feel helpful, so she's trying her best not to speak to him about it.

Still, she hasn't so much as paid for lunch once, something she is adamant she will do. She's supposed to be being independent just like usual, not needing help, but then she remembers what happened the last time she refused help, and she thinks it's best left unspoken about.

And the fact he always picks up the bill for lunch is quite sweet, like he knows she'll try to. He pretends to go to the bathroom, before coming back and saying the bill is all sorted, and she protests, but he won't hear a word said about it.

Sometimes, she despises him for being such a nice guy.

It makes it hard not to love him.

Not that she does, of course.

"He's huge." Katniss whispers happily, her eyes trained on the screen intently. "Like…is he meant to be that big yet? He was smaller than average before."

"Yes, Everdeen, she is." He smiles wide. "She's perfect, even if she is a he."

Effie grins. "He or she is the perfect size."

They've had a bet since the sixth week mark on what they're having, with Peeta one hundred percent certain he'll be the first Mellark for centuries to have a girl. His father, grandfather and great grandfather all only had boys, and he's convinced that he's broken the cycle, beating both Bannock and Rye who wanted to, but Bannock only had boys so far. Peeta is one hundred percent sure that he'll be the one to change things.

He'd love a boy too, but he really wants to be right.

Katniss has bet it's a boy since the beginning, ever since he flipped that pregnancy test to show her. It's her motherly instincts, so she says, plus Madge at work did some weird hippie-physic crap on her and it said she's having a boy. But then again it also said her baby would have four heads, and the baby looks very normal, at least to her.

They know it's total crap, but they used some old myths and legends to help them discover what they're having when they were bored one night.

She's been craving salt more then usual, hence the constantly lunches where she's eating fries, which gives a point to the boy column of what they're having. The Chinese birth calendar said girl, however, which made her mad. They even did the Drano trick, which she really didn't want to do at first.

" _Peeta Mellark, don't you dare even look at me with that Drano in your hands." She had said as she glared daggers at the orange bottle her best friend held. "I am not peeing into anything, especially that!"_

" _Just try it, it could work?" He suggested hopefully._

" _No. Never will you ever get me to try that stupid trick." She had laughed._

" _I'll buy you lunch." He promised._

" _Give me the bottle."_

He had brought her lunch twice since then. So at least he didn't back out on his promise. He also brought her dinner and breakfast, but that's unrelated. And the stupid Drano trick ended up being green, which meant girl.

She really hates Drano.

After that, they had tried the key trick, one she hadn't heard of before, and she picked it up by the narrow part, which meant she had to prepare for sugar and spice and everything nice because again - to Peeta's smug joy- it was girl.

However, she hasn't been breaking out in spots, unlike that idiotic and completely false rumor she'd heard that apparently a baby girl steals the mother's beauty.

She's carrying Peeta Mellark baby, he or she does not need to steal beauty from anyone.

Lastly, she's had quite a lot of morning sickness, and until about ten weeks in, she hadn't been able to walk around longer than a minute without being sick, which meant they're meant to be having a girl.

She doesn't believe it. These are all just myths and legends and tales. How could that tell her what baby they're having? So no, she still stands by her opinion that they are having a boy.

Effie presses a button on the screen, making her raise her eyebrow even though she knows what's coming, but a sound fills the air, sounding like a skipping rope as it goes around and around, but no. She knows exactly what that is, and so does Peeta.

"And that, is your baby's heartbeat." She smiles softly at the pair. "Strong, steady, very good. She or he is perfect, Miss Everdeen, Mr. Mellark, just like before."

"Of course she's perfect, have you seen her mother?" Peeta jokes, pulling out his phone and recording the sound, to play later on when they have dinner with their family, for about twenty seconds before putting his phone away again.

"Shut up." Katniss whispers, a blush filling her cheeks at his words. "She is perfect because of her father."

"She?" Peeta smirks, making her roll her eyes. "You just said she."

"No, I didn't." She denies carefully, side eyeing him as if he's going crazy. "I never said that, you couldn't prove it. I'll see you in court." She wiggles her eyebrows at him, making him laugh.

"Witness of a doctor, you said she." Peeta retorts, a smirk splashed across his face, stroking her knuckles with his thumb gently to show he's joking with her, and she ignores the wink he sends her. "I will forever remember this. When our _daughter_ is born, I will know that you admitted it-"

"When our _son_ is born, I will prove you wrong."

* * *

That evening, when everyone turns up at his place, they pretend that they had just accidentally double booked themselves with everyone, acting as if that was the reason everyone was there, and most of them- besides Haymitch, who still hasn't stopped eyeing them both suspiciously- buy the act.

Her father is in the midst of a conversation with Peeta's father and brothers, whilst Finnick and Annie are engrossed in what seems to be the most riveting chat with her mother and Prim that either had ever seen. They had put Nick down in the crib that Peeta has in a spare room just for him, and they had all finished their dinner when Katniss coughs to grab their attention.

"Everyone," She starts, and the conversations die out, everyone turning to them with interested looks on their faces. "I think that it's time for Peeta and I to come clean about why you're all here."

"A fuck up, we know." Finnick teases, taking a sip from his wine glass, and she knows he's eyeing her glass of water with suspicion.

"No." Peeta responds whilst his hand finding hers under the table. "We have something we need to tell you all. For some, it might be a shock, for others, it might not be."

"Oh my, you're dating?" Annie questions, a giant grin spreading across her face, and her hands clap together excitedly.

"Please don't be dating." Prim jokes, everyone knowing that she's the biggest supporter of them getting together despite the fact they always say it'll never happen. She has faith.

"I love a guessing game," Rye smirks, clicking his fingers and pointing between them. "My guess is they got drunk and married in Vegas." He guesses, earning a scornful look from Katniss but puzzled ones from the rest of the room. "What? They've been in love since they were kids, getting married is the only logical explanation."

"He makes a good point." Prim comments.

"Guys," Peeta grabs their attention once again. "As some of you may know, about five or six months ago, Katniss came to me asking for my help. She asked me to be her donor-"

"Katniss," Finnick cuts him off, his eyes immediately going to Katniss, full of barely concealed concern. "Are you sick? What do you need? Do you need blood, organs, bone marrow or money? I could have helped!"

"Sperm." She answers.

"I could not have helped."

Rye stifles a laugh, and the people in the room who already knew this just seem even more confused as to why they're there and being told about it again. The only people who didn't know are Finnick and Annie, who both seem completely bowled over.

"Wait," Annie sits up straighter in her chair. "Why? Oh my god, have you two been having sex? Why didn't you tell us?" She cries out, seeming delighted for them at the prospect of it, though still confused.

Peeta ducks his head, trying his hardest not to imagine it, and he fails miserably, visions of Katniss above him filling his brain, and he has to visibly shake himself to rid himself of the images.

"No," Katniss shakes her head. "The reason I needed sperm was because I want a baby, why the hell else?" She wrinkles her nose, and her face contorts like she's sucking on a lemon. "To rub all over myself like lotion? I'll take the kid-"

"Anyway," Peeta cuts her off smoothly, standing with her and wrapping an arm around her waist, with her body molding into his perfectly just like it always does. "Katniss and I have been doing artificial insemination."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Annie whines, knowing that their families both know based on the lack of shock on their faces. "Who else knows?"

"Only our families." She promises. "We wanted to wait to tell anybody else in case it didn't work out."

"Well that we can understand." Finnick comments and crosses his arms over his chest. "What's changed?"

"I'm pregnant." She tells them bluntly, and this time they all have some kind of simultaneous jaw drop, staring at them in stunned silence. "We were waiting to tell you all until we were out of the woods, and we have the twelve week scan this morning."

Finnick is the first to speak, sitting forward in his chair. "So you're not together? But you are having a baby together? And Peeta is involved?"

"Yes to all three questions." She answers, playing with her hands nervously, and she can feel Peeta's fingers tapping against her hip from his own anxious energy. "We're happy this way. We both wanted a baby, we're best friends, we're always together, it all makes so much sense."

"I didn't say it before, but I will say it now," Bannock pipes up, jumping on the train of thought that Finnick seems to be having. "What about the things that don't make sense?"

"What happens when you both go off and get married?" Finnick asks, concern shining in his eyes for the welfare of his friends, and they both know that the words are coming from a place of love and no where else. "That baby is a living thing, and babies are a big thing."

"Exactly," Bannock agrees, and she hates the way they seem to have formed a coalition against the idea, especially considering the fact Bannock never said a word before. "You can't just willy-nilly decide to have a baby and not consider the fact that one day, you will move jobs, move homes, get a girlfriend or boyfriend that becomes serious-"

"We have thought about that." Katniss defends, her voice quiet but sure, and their words are hurting as it just feels like doubt and not the love and care she knows deep down is driving the words. "I'm not planning on moving jobs, probably not ever, and Peeta owns his business, he's not planning on selling anytime soon."

Peeta coughs once.

"Sorry," She turns to him before back to their families and friends. "Peeta isn't planning on selling _ever,_ and he's not planning on relocating or anything of the kind. We don't want to move, and Peeta already has the home of his dreams, so he's hardly going to move out. Besides, we have made a promise that for at least the first couple of years, neither of us will be dating and that all of our devotion and time and money will go to raising our child."

Finnick seems to accept their words, nodding his head. "If you're certain, I am too." He promises. "I'm still hurt that Peeta never told me, but I can understand why. I just don't like it."

"But this is us!" Annie chimes, hardly sounding impressed, her face upset. "You could have told us you were trying at least, we would have understood."

"We didn't want to risk it."

"More like we weren't trusted," Annie crosses her arms, and Katniss knows that them keeping it a secret for as long as they have has upset her more than she'll let on. She's hurt, and that hurt is misrepresented as anger. "You didn't trust us enough to tell us anything!"

"We do trust you!" Katniss exclaims, frowning, and her hand goes to her barely there but definitely present baby bump, like the frustration she feels with effect the baby in her womb, making her terrified of things going wrong.

"I told you the second I found out I was pregnant with Nick-"

"But this is different, Annie," She defends. "I'm not you, and this isn't just my decision, it was Peeta's too-"

"So Peeta doesn't trust us?" She asks, making Peeta snap his head to glare at Katniss as she's gotten him in trouble incidentally.

"I didn't say that."

"Annie, sweetheart," Haymitch starts, his voice rising above everyone else's. "I think you're blowing this out of proportion. I personally think it's good that they waited to tell us. Imagine what would have happened if something went wrong or this insemination thing didn't work? You wouldn't have known what to say."

"I still would want to know."

"They went through something together that probably has put them off doing big declarations before the coast is clear, if you remember." Haymitch states, looking around the room for someone to back him up.

Rye is the only one brave enough to do more than mumble his agreement, and he leans back in his chair. "I think it's great." He says, shrugging his shoulders. "They're having a baby that will be loved and cared for, that's more than millions of other children get."

"And more importantly," Rye continues, not giving anyone else a chance to speak. "They love and care for one another, and the only thing they are asking of us, as their family and friends, is that we support them. They're putting everything on the line because they want this so badly, and I think we should be proud of them for it."

"I just wish someone would have told us sooner is all." Annie sighs, her anger dissipating. "I mean, I'm surprised Katniss never told her father she's pregnant before now."

Her father nods, clearly thinking the same thing, but after one glance to his daughter, he sees the fear she's trying to desperately hide, and he knows why she didn't tell him. And he understands, just like she thought he would.

"Think about it this way," Her mother pipes up, finally having something to say in the midst of all the conversation. "This means we can all buy the baby those sweet little booties, Prim can get back into knitting-"

Prim smiles, delighted at the prospect of knitting the baby hats and booties.

"-And this means you," She eyes Annie. "Can give Katniss pregnancy tips, you can take her shopping with me and we can prepare her for what is to come. And what I think we're all forgetting is the fact that in less than eight months, we are all going to be completely besotted with that baby, and this won't matter."

Graham Mellark smiles and grabs hold of his wine glass before he rises from his chair. "I agree. I, for one, am delighted to be a grandfather again. And I wish you both all the luck in the world."

Annie concedes, a small smile beginning to form on her face. "Me too."

"To Katniss and Peeta, and our newest family member." He declares, and soon enough, everyone is toasting with his or her glasses before they force the pair into bone crushing hugs.

When Peeta turns his head to catch sight of Katniss, he can't help but smile to himself at the happiness he can see radiating from her, the grin she's sporting making her look more lovely than he thought possible- and he always thinks she looks lovely.

He's certain that her face matches his own, and he wonders if she can spot the joy he has just by the look in his eyes.

Prim bends down to try see if she can spot the bump that Katniss swears she has, and he chuckles to himself at the look she throws him, a clear signal that everyone's excitement was now getting old and she wanted him to get her out of all the hugs.

Her father looks close to tears, and he envelopes his eldest daughter into a hug he knows she'll always remember, telling her he can't wait to meet his grandchild after so long of waiting.

They've finally told everyone they truly care about, and besides the initial reaction, it went far better than they could have hoped. No one cried, and despite Annie and Finnick's hurt over not being told, the looks on their faces now show that there are no hard feelings.

He knows he probably won't be this happy again until their child is born, and he revels in the knowledge that they have their family and friends love and support. It means more than he thinks he could ever admit, and he knows the joy he feels will only be matched when he sees his son or daughter for the first time.

Katniss will probably look just as beautiful then as she does now, and he wants to tell her, he wants to shout it from the rooftops just so she knows.

_I love you._

But he doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed! All mistakes are mine, and I am sure there are loads. Ooops. :)


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know, I know." He waves off her words, bending down to press a kiss to her forehead. "One minute."
> 
> She wrinkles her nose, shrugging her shoulders at his words. "Take two, I'm a fair woman." He leaves the room, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't watch him walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I hope that you're enjoying this; otherwise I'm going to be having major issues, as I'm writing chapters that no one likes! Oh well, I enjoy writing it even if you hate it, and they say that you should do what you love.
> 
> Disclaimer (do people still do these?): I own nothing except my ideas. Literally nothing.
> 
> With Heart And Hands

Groaning to himself under his breath, Peeta closes his car door with more anger than is probably strictly necessary, the sound of it slamming making him flinch despite the fact he knew it was coming. "Brilliant."

The one day he needs it to work, his car decides to break down. He wouldn't mind if not for the fact it had a recent MOT and had been declared working perfectly, but that he had made adjustments to keep in line with government guides.

He wishes he could remember the man's name who did it so he could drive to his house and scream at him, but he can't do that even if he did know the man's name as his car isn't working _._ It's a truly vicious cycle.

Pulling his phone from his back pocket, he sends a quick text to Katniss to warn her of his lateness, and he hopes she can manage to stall for him until he makes it to the office. He has a big meeting that he's been preparing for since last month, and he was pinning a lot on being there and prepared before the clients even walked in the door.

If all else fails, he fears she may even have to take over, something he knows she would loathe to do.

He rushes to the train station, never having been gladder for the fact he chose the house closest to it instead of going across town, waiting ten minutes for the train before he so much as steps foot on it, and he prays that it won't take forever like it's been known to in the past.

Katniss may really have to fill in for him.

Peeta thinks she's more than capable of handling it, better than him in fact, he's a friend with everyone who'll be there and they're all nice people, but he doesn't want Katniss to have any unnecessary stress on herself.

She's nearly five months pregnant, and if he were to be specific he would say she's four months and two weeks along, which he has taken great pride in telling his friends now that he can. To be honest, he is telling anyone who will listen, including people who probably don't care.

From his intense reading and researching pregnancy, he knows that she is close to the stage where her hormones will be out of focus, so he won't have more stress then usual placed upon her.

He'll just have to hurry up, even if it means running to work.

Luckily for his lungs, heart and legs, the train moves faster than he can go on a full sprint – something that isn't always the case. He's not unfit, not in any way, shape or form, but the greasy, unhealthy lunches that have been happening since Katniss got pregnant have meant his waistline is suffering the price.

He'll take spending time with her over a slim waistline any day, even if he did it just to see her smile.

With a sigh, Peeta taps his foot on the floor of the train, his eyes going to the watch on his wrist for the third time in five minutes. When someone vacates a seat near him, he slides into it, sitting opposite a couple who seem more engrossed in reading a baby book to their infant child in his carrier than anything going on around them.

Peeta raises an eyebrow, not bothering to hide his smile at the sight. It's not often he sees something so sweet on the horror of public transport, so it's safe to say he's pleasantly surprised to see a family ignoring the miserable people around them and focus on being together.

"And then," The woman reads clearly, and he knows for a fact in that moment that she's the one who reads the child his baby books. "The man said yes to the woman, 'and a cup of tea'." She finishes, and Peeta realises she must have come to the end of the book when she closes it over.

"I don't think he likes that story." Her company comments from beside her, his hand moving to his wife's knee. "Maybe try The Very Hungry Caterpillar?"

"Good idea," She nods, rooting through her bag to find the book in question. "I think he likes that one more."

Peeta watches as she reads the new book to their child, every so often looking away so he isn't staring and freaking them out. He can't help it. He's always been told that he's strange because he actually takes an interest in other people when he's on the train, listening in on their conversations and hearing about other people's lives.

He figures it might even be rude, especially since it's purely just him eavesdropping, but he likes to know who is having a good day, hearing a nice thing in an otherwise cruel and uncompromising world, and he sympathises when someone hasn't. He hopes that maybe, someone out there has felt the same for him.

His reasoning for watching the two in front of him so much is simple. He'll be just like them soon. He'll be reading baby books to a tiny little one who relies on him for everything and loves him.

Katniss won't be his wife, which he knows all too well, and they won't be together like the couple in front of him is, but they will be a pair, and they will be the child's parents. Most likely, he'll be the one reading in a silly voice whilst Katniss comments on it.

The man across from him sends him a proud look when the child laughs at the book his mother reads, and it makes Peeta chuckle to himself at the reaction. It's almost like he's screaming ' _that's my child, I made him, he knows what he likes, I know what he likes'_ and Peeta wonders if he'll be the same way.

One day that'll be him, he promises himself. One day soon.

He just hopes Katniss is there too.

* * *

When he gets into the work, he doesn't have time to speak to anyone, rushing straight into his meeting and not coming out until late in the morning. He finds Katniss drinking a cup of tea in the break room, and he spends a few minutes telling her about the couple he saw. "They looked like a good match."

"Only you would comment about the state of a couple's relationship on the train." She comments, sipping from her mug.

"They were a nice couple," He shrugs, thinking back on the look the man sent him, and he knows that he must be so proud of his son that it shines out of him often – he can only hope that one day, he's the same. "She looked a bit like you, if I'm honest."

She pauses, glancing up at him with an interested expression. "Wait, did the woman have long, blonde hair and she was quite tall?" She asks. "But she looks like me in the face?"

"Yeah." He confirms. "I think I've seen her before, but I can't be sure."

"And did the man have dark hair, not too much shorter than yours, a little bit of a beard going on?" She asks, making him nod once again. "Dressed quite casual, quite jokey, giving her doe eyes?"

"That's the one." He eyes her suspiciously. "Are you their stalker?" She rolls her eyes. "Either you know them or you're very good at this game."

"They're the couple I was jealous of." She informs him, tapping her nails against the side of her mug. "The night we found out about the baby, they are the couple I was crying over. They've been your neighbours for years, you need to start taking the train more."

"I have a car."

"Look how well that worked out for you this morning." She teases, before the sound of his phone ringing makes him glance over at it and groan. "Need to take it?"

"I'll be back in a minute," He promises, standing up from his chair. "I got dad to bring my car to the garage, this is him probably telling me I have to pay out an extortionate amount for it."

"Tell him to haggle."

"I know, I know." He waves off her words, bending down to press a kiss to her forehead. "One minute."

She wrinkles her nose, shrugging her shoulders at his words. "Take two, I'm a fair woman." He leaves the room, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't watch him walk away.

The second he leaves, the sound of clicking heels against the wood floors of the office makes her look up, and she raises an eyebrow when one her colleagues slams herself into the seat Peeta just vacated. "What the fuck, Everdeen?"

"Johanna," She greets, confused as to why Johanna Mason would want her now. She never speaks to her, not unless she wants something or wants someone to insult that day. She's technically the woman's boss, but she never has much to do with her. "Can I help you with something?" She asks, her hands moving to lay protectively over her small – but growing steadily – baby bump.

"Yeah, actually, you can." She throws the file in her hand onto the table in front of them. "For some reason, I have to pick up the slack you have. Can you tell me why I have to now go over your work?"

"What?" She frowns.

"According to Peeta, you two are trying to keep your stress levels down or whatever bullshit he told me," She scoffs. "So now I have to go over all of your work instead of him just telling you that you did something wrong!"

Katniss grimaces. "I didn't know he did that." She answers honestly, cursing Peeta for trying to do a good thing for her. "He was probably right to ask, I have really bad baby brain and any little thing makes me cry."

"You're not the first woman to have a baby, brainless." She scowls, glaring daggers at the younger woman. "I shouldn't be having to do your work, I know that you are far more than capable!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise-"

"This is all just because Peeta is up your ass!" She exclaims, making Katniss flinch a little. "Keeping you happy is his main and only priority, making other people walk on eggshells and do more than they should just for you-"

"I doubt that was his intention, he was just trying to do a nice thing." She defends; knowing Peeta would never in a million years intentionally upset someone, especially someone as terrifying as Johanna Mason. "He's just concerned about his child and he was doing his best to help-"

"Well it backfired!" Johanna nearly growls. "Keeping you and that baby happy should be a priority, but not above the other people here! You have it so easy!"

"I wouldn't say easy is the word that I would use, but apparently you're going with it."

"You only got this job because your Peeta's friend and he loves you!" Katniss goes to interject, but Johanna continues. "You're only still here because he's in love with you and has this pathetic delusion that you love him back! You're hardly very good at your job if you can't even do it just because you're pregnant!"

"You have no right to come in here and say these things, you are way out of line! I think it's about time you shut up and go back to work." Katniss warns, her face turning cold and irritated. "And I swear, one more insult to me or my baby or my baby's father and I will have no issues with firing you for being in contempt and unprofessional in the workplace."

Johanna scowls at her with hate in her eyes that she's never seen before, but she grabs her file and storms off. Once she's gone, Katniss sighs unhappily, wondering what's made Johanna so irritated, trying to think back on her words to figure it out.

Lost in her thoughts, she misses Madge walking in, having seen the exchange from across the office when she had been filing something. She only looks up when Madge places a steaming cup of hot chocolate in front of her, with one in hand for herself. "Here, are you okay?"

She's always liked Peeta's assistant, the woman having always been nothing but pleasant to her, and she's glad it's Madge who took Johanna's place and not someone she dislikes.

"Yeah," Katniss shrugs, her fingers circling the rim of the new mug Madge has given her. "Thanks for the hot chocolate."

Madge shrugs, offering her a small smile. "It's okay. I hope it helps. I don't know what's going on with Johanna; she's never normally _that_ angry, and even when Peeta asked her to do that stuff, she seemed fine. She's been in a mood since you announced you're pregnant."

Katniss frowns, taking a sip of the beverage gingerly, being careful not to burn her tongue. "Does anyone else feel the same way she does?" She asks, concern seeping into her tone at the realisation people might be thinking the same as her.

"No, not at all!" Madge assures her. "None of us have ever seen you both this happy. I haven't heard a single complaint or bad word said until now, I promise."

"Really?"

"Don't tell anyone that I told you but Rue from Human Resources is making up a gift basket." Katniss smiles at her words, always having liked Rue from HR. The young girl always asked her questions and seemed to rely on her in her first few months working there, and they had always been friends. "I put a picture of the sonogram you sent me on Peeta's desk for him. It's so if he doesn't have to constantly get out his wallet whenever he wants to look, he can just turn his head."

"Thank you." She says gratefully. "I'm sure he loves it."

Madge chuckles, nodding quickly. "Oh yes he does, he thanks me every time he sees me." She sips from her own mug. "But anyway, you don't worry about Johanna, she's all bark and no bite. Well, maybe she's a little bite."

"A lot bite."

"Everyone here knows she's all talk." Madge waves it off. "Johanna may not like you very much, but she respects you, and that's more important to her. I think she must just be frustrated."

She nods, knowing exactly what she means. "Thank you, Madge, if you weren't here I'm pretty sure I'd go mad or cry, I don't know."

"What are friends for?"

Katniss taps her nails against the wood of her desk with her free hand, the other being used to move her mouse around her computer screen. Her eyes flick to the time at the bottom right hand corner of her screen, and she grumbles to herself when she realises she has spent the last four hours working on a project she just _knows_ someone will find a mistake with.

She can usually handle criticism well, but her hormones seem to be everywhere, making her easily upset. She's never been a calm, rational, person, but she's not one who has ever been labeled as emotional.

As she tears her eyes away from her screen, she can't help but spare a glance to the glass windows of her office, watching the world go by beneath her. Her office isn't that high up, but people still look relatively small from her place.

"Katniss," Someone calls, before a soft rapping comes on her door, and she looks over to see Johanna Mason stood in the doorway of her office. "Have you got a second?"

"I do." She nods. "Close the door behind you."

Johanna does as she's asked, stalking up to Katniss's desk and stopping in front of her. "Listen, I don't often do this and I probably won't ever do it again, but I just came to apologise. What I said was out of order, and you were right when you said I had no right to say what I did."

"What?"

"You were right, brainless-" She stops herself, grumbling under her breath. "What I said to you was wrong,"

"What was your first clue as to knowing that?" Katniss asks dryly, knowing she should just accept the compliment and move on, it's what someone good like Peeta would do. But she's not good like Peeta, and what Johanna said was completely out of line.

Johanna glares, clearly trying to make an honest apology. "You didn't deserve what I said. I may not like you very much, but I do like Peeta, and I didn't mean for what I said to come off so cruel. I know he's just looking out for you, and I know you love him in your little way."

"I-"

"Let me finish, how he puts up with you I don't know." Johanna cuts her off, and Katniss's glare doesn't change her slightly irritated attitude. "I had no right to comment on your baby though, I was just venting."

"I'm surprised you're apologising." Katniss admits, leaning back in her chair. "You aren't the type."

"I apologise when I'm in the wrong, which isn't often." Jo tells her, moving to sit down on the chair opposite her. "I know how much the baby means to you both, and none of us in the office have ever seen you both so happy so I guess it's doing something good."

"Can I ask you something?" Katniss asks quietly, making Johanna nod slowly as if she doesn't understand. "Why did you say what you did? You know that if you have a problem, Peeta and I would do whatever it takes to make it better. Peeta would never want you stressed or unhappy here."

"I know. Peeta is one of those rare bosses who gives a shit." She laughs to herself, but it's a humorless laugh, making Katniss think of all the jobs they've both probably had where respect and happiness always came last.

"He does. He really does. And not just the bullshit approach where people say it because they want to seem like a nice guy," Katniss agrees. "He's always said that if someone isn't happy, there is no point in being there. But that's why your comments make no sense."

"If I tell you something, you need to promise to not get all weird and pity filled." Johanna warns her; making Katniss nod and hold her hands up like a sign of peace. "I'm jealous of you, and I don't say that lightly."

"Me?" Katniss tilts her head, feeling utterly confused. Her words ask more questions than they answer. "Why?"

"My husband, you know Gale from the Christmas parties, right?" She asks, and Katniss nods to confirm that she remembers him. She always found him to be a nice person, though his constant miserable attitude got old fast, but he seemed to brighten up around his wife. "We've been...trying for a while."

"Oh."

"Yeah," She shrugs. "We've been trying for five years and yet nothing has happened, and I guess hearing you got pregnant so easily made me bitter, but that's not your fault. It's mine."

"I get it." Katniss swears, offering her the slightest hint of a smile. "I had no idea. If Peeta would have known, he would have never of put this under your nose so much and asked you to clean up after my messes."

Johanna shrugs, clearly not wanting to dwell on it. "The only reason I'm telling you is because I wanted you to know that what I said only came from a bitter place, and it has nothing to do with you, not really. I may not think you're the nicest person in the world, and if I'm being honest, I don't get what Peeta sees in you-"

"Thanks?"

"Like seriously, what is it about you?" She waves it off, knowing Katniss has never believed them whenever Peeta's glaringly obvious love for her is spoken about. "He would walk over hot coals for you-"

"Is there a point to this?"

"I'm getting there." Johanna snaps back, making Katniss roll her eyes. "Although I don't get it, and I don't like you, I do respect you. And I know that he means more to you than you let on, and I know this whole baby thing for you both is hard."

"You know?" She asks, wondering how she could have found out about their past experiences. "How?"

Johanna taps the side of her nose. "I have my sources, you have yours." She shrugs, before standing up and making her way to the door, but she pauses there, turning to face Katniss slowly. "Katniss?"

"Yeah?"

"I hope everything works out." She says. "I mean that."

* * *

After Peeta finishes work for the third day since his car broke down, he's on the train again, stood and leaning against a pole as he moves with the train as it pulls away from a station. He glances around the space to see anyone note worthy, but he finds no one interesting enough to eavesdrop on like he usually does.

Instead, he reaches into his wallet and pulls out the sonogram photo he keeps there of the latest scan they had. It's something he does often, often enough that people at the office ask him about it.

He's been doing it more and more frequently as the week's progress. All he does is stare at it, trying to convince himself that it's all real, that he's really set to be come a father, with Katniss Everdeen no less.

He doesn't do anything else, just looks, reminding himself, remembering that he has a little baby on the way that he loves more then anything on this earth.

Well, Katniss is an exception.

She always has been.

Every time he stares at the photo, he thinks about her, not that it makes a change from his every day life in thinking about her. But he thinks about how much he wishes he could be wish her, wishing he could have held her hair back in the first few months of her pregnancy when she was so sick she could barely see. He wishes he could go out and get her whatever awful foods she's craving at four am; even if by the time he gets home she's asleep, because at least he could be there for it more.

He even wishes he could be there for the unpredictable mood swings that she's been facing, all on her own when she's at home, and it makes him anxious, scared about how much of it she's having to do all alone like before. He might be there all the time, but there are times he's not, and something awful could happen and he wouldn't be there to help.

_I love you._

It's almost laughable how easily he can think the words, practice saying them in his head like one does before they order food, standing in front of a mirror and pretend he's telling Katniss, sounding confident when he says the words.

But then as soon as she's close he freezes, settling on throwing her longing looks and doe eyes with the occasional kiss on the cheek.

He sounds so pathetic, even to himself.

Someone coughs from behind him and he goes to move out of his or her way but they stop him before he can. "Oh, no, I didn't mean move. Sorry, it's just, I saw the sonogram photo and wanted to say congratulations."

Peeta turns to face the person, recognising him as the man he's been seeing every morning for the past three days, the man who Katniss seems to know, maybe not by name but definitely by his face. He's the man who has a son that Peeta saw three days ago, and the man who apparently lives in his neighbourhood, though Peeta has never seen him before. "Thank you, we're very excited."

"I'll bet. I've been there." He chuckles, leaning on the doors, obviously reminiscing on his own son that Peeta sees so often with him. "I'm Thom, by the way, you're new. On the train, I mean, not in life. I mean you must be old enough to have a baby and all of that so you can't be new in life, that's crazy, please shut me up."

"I'm Peeta." Peeta offers him his hand to shake, chuckling at the other man's nervous energy. "It's okay, I'm kind of a bubbling mess around some people, especially when I'm nervous they'll think I'm crazy for talking to them. The train is hardly a social event." The man nods with a laugh, agreeing with him. "I'm that way around the baby's mother too recently. I'm a nervous wreck around her." He looks at the photo. "The thought of her makes me both terrified and so, so happy."

"I was the same, my wife and I were happy, but scared, it's only natural." Thom reassures him. "I promise you."

"Except…she's not my wife." Peeta purses his lips. "I'm her best friend slash donor."

He doesn't know why he's revealing so much, possibly because he sees this man every day, has seen so much of his life and already knows so much about him – mostly through Katniss - yet he knows nothing about Peeta. All he knows now is that Peeta is a sperm donor for his best friends baby and that he's a colossal wreck around her, which, admittedly, would not be the best Tinder profile. In fact, Peeta is rather surprised that he doesn't seem phased.

Instead, Thom just takes a glance at the sonogram. "Katniss Everdeen is the mother?" He asks curiously. "I've seen her on here, every morning, except not recently."

"I order her a cab every morning, public transport can be dangerous if no one is there to support her and she's hugely pregnant," He tells him. Though Katniss is only hitting the five-month mark, she looks as though she's further, not that Peeta would ever tell her that. He's not stupid. "Don't tell her I said hugely if you see her." Peeta adds.

"Got it."

"But…how do you know her name? I mean I've been getting the train for a few days and I only just learned your name." Peeta ponders. There is no way the man would have seen them together on the train, mostly because Peeta drives everywhere. Katniss, however, avoids driving where she can, and she finds taking the train to be more eco friendly despite her hatred for packed spaces.

"It's written on the sonogram," Thom informs him, pointing to where Katniss's name is written at the top. "I don't know her well, only to say hello to, and I see her in my neighbourhood – our neighbourhood. But I see her on the train all the time."

"She's mentioned it before." Peeta admits, pocketing the sonogram, as he knows his stop is next and he would loathe losing it. "I find it strange how we can live so close, and yet I've never met you, but Katniss knows you and she doesn't live with me."

"Life is strange." Thom supplies, making Peeta hum. "I may not know you well, but do you want to know what I do know?" Peeta nods and gestures for him to go on, interested in what he thinks. "You're in love with her."

"Tell me something I don't know."

* * *

Staring ahead, Peeta smiles, his eyes trained on something in front of him, or rather at _someone._ He can feel Finnick's eyes on him, knowing he's watching his every move and reaction.

"You just going to stare?" Finnick questions, tilting his head to the side and turning to look what Peeta is looking at. "Getting creepier by the day, bud."

They had invited Finnick and Annie to theirs for dinner, with Rye showing up unannounced as a welcome surprise, not for anything special except for the fact they were trying to include Annie and Finnick as much as possible. The pair were still quietly hurt over being left out of the loop, and having dinner with them more often made them feel more included.

All they wanted was to be involved, just like they had made sure Katniss and Peeta were for baby Nick, and they were constantly calling or texting them, hoping to speak about the baby. Annie was more excited than anyone expected, arranging dates to see them in advance – something they never did - and coming over to his whenever Katniss was there just to share tips.

Finnick, however, thought that he could just give Peeta a pat on the back and say congratulations like any other man would. Annie had rejected that idea, claiming he needed to give him tips, on what he still isn't sure. In his eyes, so long as the baby is clean, dry and fed, his job is successful.

He's just lucky Rye is there, or so he thought. Rye isn't exactly the most helpful guy to have around when discussing pregnancies. Especially since he had been with Delly for years and they had no thoughts to even marry yet, let alone have children. They didn't even seem like they were aiming to.

"Why do women have to give tips and insist their husbands do the same?" Rye complains, sipping his beer. "Pregnancies freak me out. Someone inside someone else, and coming out nine months later, no thank you! It's great that I get a niece or nephew and I'm happy for you two, but that shit is nasty."

"What a lovely view on the miracle of life you have." Peeta comments, not tearing his eyes from where he's been looking over at Katniss for quite some time now.

"Gah," Rye shudders. "Just come out of an egg like chickens do, it's so much cleaner."

"Where exactly are you intending on being if you and Delly have a child one day?" Peeta asks distractedly, though he is curious as to what on earth his brother is planning on doing if he ever becomes a father.

"We won't, not yet anyway." He states firmly, shaking it off like a bad rash. "She gets shivers whenever someone mentions it."

"Okay, theoretically, where will you be?" Finnick asks, looking to the older Mellark brother.

"In the waiting room handing out cigars and cracking jokes." Rye shrugs and Peeta can't help but chuckle.

"So, my brother seems to think this is the fifties." Peeta comments and Rye punches him in the arm. "Well I, for one, intend on being next to Katniss, holding her hand, coaching her through it."

"Yeah, but you've been in love with her since you were five." Rye comments, moving his brothers head so he looks at him instead of at Katniss- who is in the living room discussing her pregnancy with Annie in a hushed whisper.

To their shock, Peeta remains silent, his eyes darting down to the floor, and he doesn't deny it like he always has done in the past whenever it's been brought up.

"What? No comeback?" Rye frowns a little. "Or…"

"You're right." Peeta swallows softly, watching as Katniss holds up a maternity dress from Annie for him to see, giving her thumbs up.

"I love her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peeta finally said it out loud, what fun! I'm so glad I got that one out; I was worried about it, though I don't entirely know why.

**Author's Note:**

> That is the first chapter of 'With Heart And Hands'! I'm so excited for this, and I can't wait to hear what you all think. I hope you all enjoyed it.


End file.
